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LOVE vs EGO

If all of us were firmly connected to our spirit love energy, allowing that to shine through our uniqueness, then from afar the total sum of all the auric human energy fields seen in unity would look like a vibrational kaleidoscope.

Within the wealth of the human consciousness we are all part of a variety of personality types, which bring to the table of life everything we need, to make it brilliantly colourful.

Some of us are here to uplift each other’s spirit with their energetic youthful attitude to life, then there are the leaders amongst us, teachers, helpers and carers, peacemakers, the trustworthy community builders, able to engage others, the expressive artists, the motivators, the visionaries and pioneers. It could not be more perfect in its combination of different personality types, holding the individual wisdom through the bond of consciousness, every one of us carries.

The great thing is that – as long as we believe in love and show a willingness to transform negative experiences into positive ones, we compliment each other with the characters of our personality types together with our experiences and wisdom from life lessons learnt. We are part of an ever evolving experience within all of life’s experience consciousness. As long as love flows, positive manifestations happen in the most effortless way we can possibly imagine.

Yet, if we block our ability to transform and hold onto a host of upsetting emotions and memories, we begin to exclude love; what does not contain love must contain ego. Ego comes from the ancient Greek meaning ‘I am’ or ‘I exist’; translated in relation to our human mind, it means awareness of the self. A low percentage of ego acts as a mediator between our conscious and subconscious mind, something we need to manoeuvre us through this physical life. In other words, a teacher of self awareness, showing us where issues need resolving to make improvements in our desire to return to the Oneness of love.

Some call it life intelligence, our own vessel consciousness, containing all of our experiences, lessons, personality types and own unresolved ego, with the willingness to learn from that. The knowledge combination of all of that is to master a human approach to others based on their level of understanding in order to form a non-conflict bond of human acceptance, with the absence of forceful mind control.

An overload of ego represents a total focus on the self without taking anybody else into consideration, with dire consequences; this is always destructive and can only be repaired when realisation hits the mind.

Us humans are originally created to care and act for the Greater Good of all, including the self. A drifting towards an ego self for ones sole gain purpose, where in the end competition and conflict become the norm, was never intended to happen. Deep down we really know that we are all connected and are here to live in harmony. Operating mainly from our true personality type make-up, as much as possible, makes us joint divine co-creators, dedicated to follow our inner heart calling, that knows how to manifest easily; with patience and perseverance and with the certainty that something good will come from our actions. Ego driven projects instead are control based, carried out under constant pressure of having to prove oneself, with the needy impatience of wanting to see quick profitable personal or/and material results. Patience becomes a missing attribute with the absence of love.

The strongest undealt emotions that lead to an ego focused self, are rage and terror. Those emotions are a build up of a sum total of many frustrating, powerless, sad moments, times when we felt rejected, unaccepted and used. We are not always aware of underlying rage or terror being present in our subconsciousness, especially if we belong to the more introvert types of people. The extroverts amongst us usually express these emotions more visibly, their presence is therefore more easily detectable.

In order to keep these kind of emotions under control, within the contingency of our lives, we build survival and unhealthy behavioural constructions around them, coupled with negative belief systems and vows, making us act not from our true personality type self anymore, but an artificial one. The development of this false identity, as many call it, progressively moves us into a false protective zone, leading to a disconnection of our real personality type identity.

One of the reasons we want to protect our true core with the ego from the hurt which was done to us previously, is a way to ensure it from never happening again. The risk we take if we don’t let go of an overload of our cells with the unwanted is an accumulation of more artificial replacements onto the self, dimming our natural attraction. This then leads to deep feelings of dissatisfaction and non-acceptance with the self and life, attracting more of what we actually want to avoid. The inner disharmony is acting like a magnet to the outside world to the point where we feel lost and disorientated. For some another reason to hold onto ego is a deep conviction to be superior above everybody else, a belief to be of a supremacy race, in a world of an obedient lower human race. This can stem from trauma, or this kind of belief system was simply there from the start.

An overload of ego and an accumulation of a false identity structure deprives us from energy and over the years, makes us feel heavy and tired. Compare it to carrying more and more clutter attached to you and then wondering why every step of the way it becomes harder and more exhausting to keep moving.

Our thoughts, which are constant energy waves transformed or translated from existing stored emotions within our cells based on the perception of our past memories, effect everything around us. They are a product of how we feel inside and create themselves from either our loved based or ego driven identity. We have to grasp the concept of the power our thoughts have in our world and how they manifest themselves. We can positively change our world by changing our thoughts. Whether we wish to address our thoughts first to change the way we feel or release the unpleasant emotions to lovingly alter our thoughts or do a combination of the two, depends on our individual choice. Negative thoughts create toxic acidic energy levels in our cells; keeping such thoughts alive is comparable to being on a slow suicide mission.

Imagine owning the most shiny vibrant faceted diamond and somebody trying to damage it. Naturally we would try to protect it and put it in a safe place, until the situation has cleared and the perpetrator has gone. During that time we are able to admire our diamond every now and then, to then place it back in its safety comfort zone. Eventually, when the air is clear, we can polish and restore the damage, find the best spot for it so it can shine away, even brighter than before. Our appreciation of the value of our precious diamond should grow even more after the trouble we had.

Now imagine if we decided to keep that diamond locked in that safe comfort zone forever, pushing it more and more into the background with layers of possessions in front of it, to the point where we forget the diamond ever existed in the first place. We never bother to take it back out anymore because of an old fear that the past experience could repeat itself, although we know that this can never happen again; we also won’t allow anybody to come near our diamond, to avoid exposure to similar damage again. Keeping it locked means a disadvantage in every way; its natural shine would eventually be completely secluded within the confines of old walls we built to protect from the harm of long gone perpetrators. Instead of learning the lesson, taking the armor and walls down to polish the diamond and give it a brand new shine, we keep it hidden away and are then forced to install artificial lights, trying to replace its natural pure faceted light reflections to somehow give it some kind of radiance. Yet, artificial light only shines when we switch it on, the light bulb can break, artificial light only covers a limited area.

The beautiful rays of a naturally shining diamond are like the sun; its radiance is capable to travel for great distances, reigniting/rejuvenating anything that is allowing it in. Hesitant resistance can eventually break open by gradually getting accustomed to the warmth of light. Anything that cannot withstand that glowing power, will dissolve in the loss of its controlling power.

Another reason why we also construct protective armors around the building blocks of our dormant rage or terror is to protect others from getting harmed by it, in case we loose control over ourselves when these emotions are triggered. Unless we tackle what has become the foundation of a false identity, more of the unhealthy construction will be added to its scaffold, blocking out our light, to the point where we become so used to it that we loose track of who we really are and then end up believing that the false identity is really us.

All of us are perfect within our imperfections. The lessons we learn are obstacles dressed up as blessings in disguise as we travel along our soul journey. The stopping stations on our road have most likely been there before and will keep reappearing until we have mastered another lesson on our growth in an ever evolving source of high consciousness. Our destiny is not to keep repeating the same old lessons to keep making the same mistakes in denial of its teachings, but instead to master them. This is what ‘perfect within our imperfections’ means. Love as our driving force will show us the way, ego shows us where improvements can be made from old outworn comfort zone habitual behaviours, keeping us stuck. It will make us fall again and again, until we finally are able to decide from the choice of our free will to follow and trust our light again.

We can have a combination of different personality types. In total there are 9, we usually have 2 major ones forming our own unique one, which is then based on our experiences alongside with the life wisdom we possess.

Here are some brief examples of how we can completely turn into the opposite of who we really are, if issues are left unaddressed!

For instance the personality type of a healthy teacher is that of fairness and ethics, with an understanding of a higher purpose, They are natural perfectionists, a true inspiration for humanity with a desire to bring the truth across by bringing out the truth in others. When in a false protective unhealthy state of ego, those truth seekers become rigid and judgmental perfectionists, needing to be always right, at all cost. Their strongest fears of humiliation and condemnation are now controlling them.

The leader personality type in his healthy state is incredibly charismatic, magnanimous, strong and able to stand up for what their higher visions are, able to self surrender to a higher authority. They are the historic game changers, leaving heroic remarkable positive shifts behind in a world stuck in old habits. In an unhealthy state they become dangerous risk takers, wheeler dealers with a need to dominate to the point of becoming criminals. Their strongest fear of showing weakness is now controlling them, making them and everybody else believe they always have to be at war.

The peacemaker in a healthy state radiates deep inner peace and serenity, they are the mediators amongst us, creating harmony and a flow in communication, able to connect on a deep spiritual level. In a suppressive angry state they act out their anger in a passive aggressive way as they are desperately trying to hold onto their natural state of serenity. In their dissociation to conflict, their anger expresses itself in a hidden undetectable manor to the point where it is incredibly difficult to see through the destructive actions of their ego; they usually have no idea of the damage they are causing and totally oblivious in their constant denial of admitting to the unpleasant realities of life. Their biggest fear therefore is confrontation and rage. In their denial, they passively act exactly that out what they fear the most, then look at the damage, without taking any responsibility.

The Helper in a healthy state is the most compassionate, kindest empathetic and passionate personality type one can find, able to see good in others, trying to bring the best out in everybody. Nurturing and giving in every way. In an unhealthy state those devoted to service become ‘people-pleaser’, using the word love to control and manipulate others, instead of allowing it to flow naturally in its original state of oneness with themselves. Their suppressed aggression results in criticising others to make them look inferior. Their biggest fear is to care for their own needs as they need to feel needed by over-helping everybody around them. Helping others then becomes an unhealthy drive to boost the self for the service given.

The enthusiast in a healthy state is full of the joy and fun for life, imaginative, spontaneous, light-hearted, curious, generous, multitalented, easily accomplished achievers. In an unhealthy state they need constant stimuli, are hyperactive, totally self-centered to the point of narcissism, frantic, unreliable and self destructive. They need more and more distraction to avoid facing their terror, pain and fears, becoming highly abusive on their ego trip to get what it is they want.

These are just some examples to demonstrate how much a healthy personality type can mutate into the complete opposite of the self. Understanding this part of our spirit personality self altered into the ego mind control body, gives us hope that much can be done for humanity to transform, just like butterflies do. Every one of us has the choice to stop procrastination and start the compassionate internal balancing act of negative cleansing now. The more we know about us, who we are and how our minds function, the more can be done to remove who we are not! Lessons learnt will expand our knowledge, raise our emotional intelligence regarding life and us. Our character becomes ever more faceted and by doing so we become the best version of ourselves, with all our little imperfections. This makes us so unique, part of live’s endless varieties.

Not everybody is ready to open up to love and detect their own ego behaviour. Somehow we have to be able to handle those eager to cling onto their ego, with hopefully the least possible conflict or harm to ourselves.

The more people that are operating from their ego selves, the harder, more dense and complicated life becomes, as actions are mainly taken from ego patterns, leading to an accumulation of frustration and feelings of pointlessness, in which we see no purpose. Our goal can be to constantly clear our minds from the hateful thoughts and intents, angry outbreaks or a chronic state of anxiety. Behind those walls we will always find that the long lost forgotten diamond was never gone, it just had to be unburied and brought back to light.

The light of love is infinitely patient and knows that the actions born from pure intent will always lead to something beneficial for everybody, without any harm. Those who need to find their own shadow can do so to then decide to flood that part with love too. It will happen in their own time, without us allowing them to be a hindrance  on our path.

Being anchored in pure self-love and the original idea of humanity does not mean that we can not speak up in truth or react in a revolutionary style when witnessing injustice to our fellow brothers and sisters. Love protects us and gives us a sensory gut feeling of threat or fear in times of danger or an unsafe situation. It gives us the strength to express empathy or deep sadness when going through bereavement or hurt.

The reactions we get when anchored in the power of love are different to those stuck in egotistic anti-humanitarian hatred.

It is the holding onto the belief that – in order to be protected and super powerful we have to stick to chronic anger, hate and abuse from a fear of never being recognised otherwise. These are toxic ego separation wall constructions.

Also know that spirit can only really deeply connect with us when we send love to our spirit guides and angels. It is obvious; our spirit connection is like inviting our best friends back into our home, so we join and cooperate together. Our love towards our spirit acts like a light gateway for spirit guides to access the denser planes in their desire to assist us, without influencing the decision making of our free will. As we allow our cells to transform in dropping love blocking barriers, many doors will open, our manifestation work with spirit will take on new dimensions and be done more swiftly and effortlessly around our world. When we lay our armors down, peace begins to stream through the gaps of our rigid mind sets, this is when the war zones of our world will cease to exist.

Acceptance without denial – Living in the NOW

One very important aspect I learnt from my father, throughout life and especially during the time of his illness was his ability to immediately and completely accept reality as it is. He was obviously very shocked when doctors told him he had jaundice, his blood sugar was through the roof (over 300) and worried about what else they would find in the coming week. It didn’t take him long to get over that initial shock and the next day he had already gone into his usual energy of acceptance as to how the present reality was unfolding in a state of complete uncertainty.

Everybody took it differently; the combination of the variety of our energies participating in this experience somehow really helped. It felt like a support network. One thing was for sure, right from the start; we were all in this together. We shared the same intent; assist my dad as best as we could, we each played our part in this situation, with me taking on the role in finding the right treatment, a natural development.

In the first 3 days before we knew the diagnose was pancreatic cancer, it felt like somebody had literally taken the floor from underneath my feet; deep down I was very concerned, my gut or instinct knew that this was something very serious but my head was trying to convince me that it hopefully was nothing major to worry about and soon we would be told that everything was just a passing illness. On the 3rd day I was in town with my friend, discussing all possibilities what it could be, then – on my way home, my dad called to tell me that they found a malignant tumour. He was laughing whilst telling me, that was to lift the heaviness of the scary reality off my shoulders.

All the way home I just cried; to my surprise I couldn’t have cared less in showing vulnerability in front of all these people passing me by! As I was sobbing my one thought was to travel back to Germany and do all I could to assist my mum and dad in this dire situation. That gave me the strength to cope and a purpose, it gave me a sense of empowerment, there was no time for playing the victim. In fact, nobody in our family or anybody who supported us went into a victim hood state of mind, there was no time for that, it didn’t even cross our minds.  Today I know that one of the main reasons for the astounding healing results we were presented with 9 months later was by recognising the facts exactly as they were, in particular by my dad.  In the meantime I took action to support my dad as best as possible, whilst looking for a suitable treatment for him, showing appreciation to all consultants and medical staff involved, no matter whether they were stubborn conventional or holistically more open minded.

My brother Markus was helping enormously in opening up my mind to finally grasp the fact that our negative or traumatic experiences are the root cause for an illness, in this case cancer, no matter how long ago that could have been. Until that time in September 2004 I believed that nutrition and exercise, trying to have a joyful life, were sufficient to maintain a healthy body. Constant stress of course, I knew, was another factor. This is surely the case, we are alkaline beings and taking in too much acidic foods or drinks cause illness by effecting our immune system, as does stress. Yet I believed that once a painful situation was suppressed, it was gone . There is much more to that, I slowly began to understand and finally had to open my mind to the reality of other possibilities; the connection between old suppressed trauma and an illness.

In the weeks to come – as my dad was going through the required examinations – I was reading all I could about pancreatic cancer, the root causes, what anthroposophical hospitals had to offer, emailing their doctors, going through a variety of treatment options, printing out reports written by holistic doctors for my dad to read in hospital, looking into cancer boosting nutrients… the list was endless. I wanted to know exactly what we were dealing with, what to expect in the worst case scenario, listen to various opinions, whilst being discerning at the same time, allowing my dad to make his own choices. In all of that I knew instinctively one thing right from the start; we had to use a homeopathic treatment; it was the only powerful holistic treatment I knew at the time, which would treat the person in its individuality with its specific issues. No matter how much I tried to sometimes brush that possibility aside, it kept coming back into my consciousness. All the time we were weighing out options; we had to accept the entire situation presented to us and within that every single moment that brought along different doctors with different ideas with regards to the right treatment.

One highly recognised professor for pancreatic cancer for instance suggested a 4 week intense radio- and chemotherapy, after an unsuccessful Whipple op, to reduce the tumour and then operate again. Had we blindly followed that advice, my dad would not be alive today, as was later confirmed by another 3 x top consultant, also trained in Homeopathy. It would have weakened my dad’s immune system considerably, with a high risk the cancer returning with a vengeance.

Everybody has to feel what is right for them and if this would be the right option for somebody else going through the same, then this is what they should be trying, until they find that another treatment could work more efficiently.

In May 2005 a TV crew came to interview my dad for a scientific documentary on Homeopathy, it was the day before his next CT scan was due. Since he had left the hospital all he applied was a Homeopathic cancer treatment. To the crew’s surprise they found my dad climbing around the roof top of his loft conversion, alongside with carpenters and builders. He had decided to finish his projects before departing onto the other side! After an entire day of filming at some point my dad asked the director of the programme: “What will you do if my examination tomorrow shows that the cancer has spread. You can’t broadcast my case as an example, if it hasn’t worked”. The director replied ‘lets cross that bridge when we get to it’. Even then my dad remained totally realistic, bracing himself for what was going on right in that moment with its possible outcomes.

During those 9 months we were also faced with skeptical medical professionals who ridiculed my suggestion of using Homeopathy, alongside with a couple of people denying it was cancer. Once my dad was given the all clear, those same people were also the once denying it was cancer in the first place, unable to open their minds to the reality of what we did to gain control over an illness, with a less than 3 % survival chance. Their minds remained closed. Everybody else was absolutely stunned, including those consultants open to holistic therapies.

What I am trying to say with this story of acceptance and non-denial is that we can not expect to come out of a ‘haunting’ or ‘dreadful’ situation, possibly leading to a negative outcome, if we choose to close our eyes to the sheer facts staring us in the face. If we do, then we make ourselves weak by living in an illusion of what is not. Living in that illusion makes us vulnerable and powerless, allowing controlling forces, be it our own ego or that of people only interested in their own gain and power, to use us for their mind games, draining our energies for a future that is none.

Every time I tried to live in denial, I paid for it. Yet, if we truly care we will always somehow find a way out of a vicious circle, especially when we comprehend the potential of our own divine power to do so; being in the very present of reality of the now is key.

If we connect with all the courage we can possibly master and clear all the fear that leads us to blindness of the present moment now, clouded by a misleading belief that everything is not as it is, we can take every appropriate action to break out of the very downward leading spiral we got ourselves into. Denial is a dangerous endeavor, it actually leads to more fear, a deterioration of the situation and in the end capitulation.

The Universe can only assist and connect with us when we become very honest with ourselves and wish to see the facts with honesty and clarity. When we say; what have I done to get myself into this mess and what can I contribute to pull myself out of it to bring healing into this very situation, we will open those famous doors of all possibilities, allowing the most powerful healing forces to enter through our consciousness, lifting us out into the reality of ourselves. What we can say and do for our individual private improvement, we can also do for a global crisis.

Just like in my dad’s situation; we are all in this together, we must remain discerning and focus on the truth of the reality unfolding itself in front of us and then take appropriate steps to bring about healing into unhealthy situations! We are the root cause with our thoughtless actions. Turning a blind eye will make us and the world vulnerable and add to the destructive powers to those only working for their own gain, careless to our wonderful world. Imagine if we had always acted from integrity, appreciation, acceptance and non denial, from the power of love and the greatest care for our world, we would not be finding ourselves in a climate crisis or any political conflicts or wars.

We would in fact be having the time of our lives.

So far we have been kept in a state of mind control and numbness, it was easier to mislead us that way. Now we find ourselves at 5 to noon, the outcome is as clear as day if we continue moving in that state of denial.

When we take action we are empowered! This will diminish the ones walking and working from their own dark shadows, using us as their puppets!

Even when you are scared to death seeing reality as it is; go through that fear and do whatever you can to bring stability back to this world, which is now reflecting and showing the signs of centuries of unstable behaviour on a huge visible scale.

We do not know what the outcome will be but if we never try we will never know!

Why unconditional selfless love is so important

Life on earth is not always easy, in fact, it is plastered with all sorts of painful experiences, ranging from feeling unwanted or unloved during childhood, being bullied at school, having the first heartbreak, discovering betrayal, being constantly criticised by people who – in fact – are supposed to love us, being conditioned by society that – unless we look or dress a certain way – there is no way anybody would love us for simply the way we are.

The results of such upbringings can lead us away from the most natural and powerful energy which is available to us, the energy of unconditional love, an energy which is the basic foundation of our creation in the first place.

It is through ‘love making’ (or call it LOVE ENERGY CREATION) that we create children together. Two people come together from unconditional love for each other to unite and …. create the most intense form of love energy, with or without the intent to receive a child afterwards.

Yet, if we have experienced moments of non-love or times where we did love with all our hearts but ended up being deeply hurt, pain takes over. That pain can be so strong that it literally feels unmanageable, making it often impossible to function and go about our daily lives. Fear replaces where previously there was none, spreading into many areas of our bodies and therefore lives. It is simply the result of the inability to cope with pain, nobody has taught us how to. Where there is no love, material values become important. We begin to believe that material gains and possessions, artificial looks and behaviours give us a replacement for true love. They become a control mechanism, which is much easier to master… so we believe.

The truth is; all of the material replacements of non-love are highly destructive. Often scars can be buried so deep that we don’t even realise how they are still affecting us today.

Addictions are another sign of a non loving relationship towards the self, life or people; signs of disconnections.

There are also many who use the word love as a pretence to work from that level of energy in order to control people around them. They will keep convincing themselves that they are working for the right reasons; after all they are the ultimate loving being. Instead, they are using this most precious energy of love too easily; to manipulate and blind, for their own specific needs. This in fact is not an all encompassing form of an unconditional free spirit love, but a controlled version of it.

It is down to the individual to show their desire, will and persistence to constantly remove any obstacles of non loving behaviours in respect to their fellow men and women, so that they wont ever be effected by past memories, which have left great damage.

The growth of my father’s malignant tumour was from a time when he was a little boy, witnessing physical abuse from his father towards his mother. It created a deep believe of fear inside his pancreas and moved him into a world where love could simply not be trusted. In fact, violence was a better way to gain control over love, it was the ‘right’ way to gain strength, also ensuring that one would never be controlled by the other gender or partner. Why would you use honour, respect and devotion? These can only make you fragile and vulnerable.

My grandparents themselves were brought up in that way, during a time where wars were the norm. A world full of destruction and devastation. That world then became the real world based on a belief system where unconditional love was a weakness. Control, shouting and abuse became the norm.

Every time we experience a negative emotion, our bodies react by releasing acidic fluids. We are alkaline beings and in order for our bodies to keep us alive, it has to send precious alkaline substances to balance out the acidic reaction. This is destructive to our cells, it can only therefore also be destructive to ourselves and inevitably to others. Let’s not forget that we are all connected, like the cells in our bodies.

There are many techniques and methods available today which give us a life transformational experience to work our way through these negative emotions so we can finally fall back into a wholeness and completeness of our own universal love. The astounding thing is that, when we do this and remove ourselves from an old consciousness of a non loving belief system, we raise within that very consciousness allowing us to more and more use love from the unconditional freedom it is supposed to be.

pink with trees effect post

To shut down to all those possibilities is not only destructive to the self but it will be destructive to the world around us.

My father was convinced throughout his entire life that he was indestructible and his way of treating his wife was justified. How this would effect us children or our future was not relevant at the time. Too many people are like this, they have turned away from all the true beauty life has to offer towards replacements which are of the material gain of the earth, selfishness rules! In that is no value or any purpose whatsoever. We all have a chance to deal with this build up fear of love now and do not have to wait until the end of a lifetime or a severe illness. What a waste that is of living a life full of beautiful possibilities and treasures.

ginster effect post

There is danger of becoming so used to non love, which can lead into depression, that it seems like a ‘good protective companion’. Embracing light and love is almost scary and too much to bare, it has become too unfamiliar. Those are lies of the mind and excuses of self denial. They can be eliminated, if only we desire so.

Know that it is never too late, we all have a choice of improvement now. We have to start with ourselves and adapt a healthy self loving relationship, a loving acceptance and appreciation of the original idea of the human race again. We cannot change the past hurts but transform them into something positive. We can teach others what we learnt from our traumas, betrayals and destructive behaviours for instance.

We have a purpose and that is certainly never a damaging one. We are loving beings who deep down wish to create more beauty, more health, more benefits.

What a better way to break an earthly system which has actually led us to loose faith in everything, wrapping us into even more darkness.

The dire consequences are the results of what we are experiencing today; our countries are run by leaders who come from the sole intent of material concepts made up of greed, reckless behaviour into war consciousness production in order to gain more and more material.

It is a mass falling away from our divine loving self, it is a falling into a neverending void.

The message from me to you is to use my father’s example to think about a life of love, about positive change, so we can start to manifest a fire of passion and compassion for one another.

No matter where you are in your life right now; keep the thought of love alive and it will become reality once again.

Handling professionals, people, the whole situation

Anybody who has been given the diagnosis of cancer, or who has known somebody in their family or amongst friends who now has to face this terrible disease, finds themselves in a state of disbelief or shock. The first big question which arises is ‘Why me? Why did I/he/she get it, amongst all those other millions of people’

It almost feels like standing in front of a huge wall, behind it a pile of confusion.

Memories appear from moments in life in a search to find out what might have caused it. Then regret, guilt, a huge sense of failure and often a helplessness and powerlessness comes in an overwhelming flood of emotion.

Some people immediately decide that – no matter what – they will conquer this horrific disease, no doubt about it. Still, in most patients there remains a deep fear of the unknown.

It really feels like the entire world has been turned upside down. Suddenly people remember all the things they should have done but never got round to doing and time, which seemed so endless, suddenly feels like it’s running away from them.

All the things which before seemed dramatic or horrendous are now devoid of meaning, because health is in fact the most important thing and without it we have a much more difficult path to walk.

In our case it was my father who became sick. As you might have read in the previous chapters, I knew in my gut what the right treatment for him would be. Yet what I wish to talk about today is how to approach the varying input and opinions of the professionals, family and friends you may be dealing with along the way.

It is very important to understand that everybody is doing the very best they can to be of any assistance. Some do it from a place of compassion and care, others to serve their own egos, only interested in being recognised as ‘the one who healed the cancer patient’.

Whatever or wherever somebody’s approach is, see them with the knowing that they are doing the best they can. You don’t have to follow their advice if it doesn’t feel right. Develop a sensitivity to help you distinguish the ones with a genuine desire to assist from the ones who are purely following a traditional professional path without much care. Accept each one of them equally, even if they sometimes make you angry, or make you feel like just another statistic. This will give you strength.

In our case we were dealing with health professionals and representatives for companies that produce natural remedies who were convinced that their Vitamin supplements would cure my father. Although it was very interesting to listen to their talks, deep down I knew that just by applying some vitamins, my dad’s cancer would definitely not go. Everybody is an individual case and everyone’s case has to be taken individually.

Then there was the Professor from the top Cancer Clinic in Heidelberg who was convinced that my dad’s tumour would definitely be beaten if he was bombarded with Chemo- and Radiotherapy for 4 weeks, only to then be operated on again later.

Every bit of my being was screaming NO, and my dad and brothers felt the same. To this day I don’t doubt that it would have killed him.

(Should you however opt for that kind of treatment, then this is your choice and you have to follow it)

Then there were neighbours and friends who were telling me of their own experiences. This was most helpful and certainly a guide and support in what I/we thought we would have to possibly do anyway.

Express to yourself an intention to find the right people who know what they are doing, and don’t be shy to speak up.

Care and consideration are very important. Everybody I know was incredibly patient and supportive. For a few weeks I was totally withdrawn, doing a lot of research. There were many people I just couldn’t face and I really didn’t feel like doing anything fun. My friend Tanja, who is a nurse at the hospital where my dad was, gave me a very precious piece of advice; she told me to go for a walk or do something that gives me pleasure because otherwise the stress would make me too weak to look after my dad.

This scary and challenging time is also a time of big awakening, of many realisations and a lesson to every single person involved.

Be patient, understanding and know that any of these things can happen to any of us. So use this opportunity to also look within. Pointing the finger is of no use; I have worked with so many seriously ill people who were loving and looked healthy. It is the soul which is speaking through the body and sometimes all we need to do is develop the ear to hear it properly. huge rays 2

bridge over troubled water II

Part of the Universe’s infinite organising power

My friend Uli was introduced to me in 2000 by some friends whose children went to the same nursery. We are both from Germany and sometimes found it hard to get used to the NHS system over here. Whenever there was a health issue we ended up consulting each other. Often I would mention Homeopathy because it had already worked on my daughter and son. Jokingly we said; “we have to become self sufficient and start to be our own healers”.
I would often tell Uli that she’d make an excellent homeopath.

Finally, 3 years later, Uli decided to start a course in Eastbourne to become one. As you might have read in my dad’s story, 2 weeks into my dad’s illness the College was teaching a ‘Homeopathic approach in cancer’. Uli informed us of this method, which later turned out to be the key to our success in healing the tumour.

Then in 2003 I was visiting my parents in Germany. One night a friend took me out to a local nightclub where I saw a young tall man looking distressed. “His girlfriend broke up with him” I thought “How could I possibly talk to him without giving the impression that I’m chatting him up”.

There was an internal battle going on between wishing to talk to him, give him some comfort, not wanting to force my support on him and thinking to just leave the whole thing because it was none of my business.

After a while this young man decided to go home and started to walk towards the exit. An inner voice was urging me to follow him and my mind kept saying ‘No’ to it all. “If its meant to be I will see him again” I thought, knowing that this would be very difficult, living in England. Yet, I felt as if something was pushing me to follow him and eventually I stood right behind him hearing myself say “where are you going?” “Home” he replied. “have to get up early for work. I also have to look after my dog. My girlfriend left me, so its me looking after him. My name is Jens by the way”. “Oh, what a shame” I carried on talking “I’m here from England with my husband and children and saw you out there. So sorry your girlfriend left you. I better let you get home then.” Jens was thrilled to hear we lived in England; it was his favourite country. We exchanged email addresses and over the coming weeks he was able to confide in me and somehow I managed to convince him not to shut himself off from other women because somewhere out there was the right one for him. Shortly afterwards he would meet Tanja, his wife, a nurse in the hospital where my dad was treated 2 years later.

Tanja was an incredible support together with Jens; she organised meetings with consultants and was constantly there to give me advise on any medical questions I had.

In 2004, the year my dad was diagnosed, I was again in Germany. This time I went out with another friend where I ended up talking to Conny. Conny had just come out of a very toxic relationship and was out for the first time after weeks of staying indoors. We talked as if we had known each other forever. When it was time to head home, I asked Conny for her number. Again I wondered whether I was being pushy or intrusive but an inner voice told me to stay in touch. After all, we got on so well.

Next time we met, Conny introduced me to her friend Sabine who told us all about her mother in law who was suffering from pancreatic cancer. Sabine’s brother in law was a medical doctor, also trained in complimentary medicine. She explained to us that her mother in law refused any treatment and it was her strong will alone that was keeping her alive way beyond her predicted life expectancy. Not even her son was allowed to apply any kind of treatment on her.

I listened with great interest, and it was 5 months later when I knew I had to get in touch with Sabine to ask for her brother in law’s phone number to discuss my dad’s case with him.

Finally I got hold of him. He recommended one of Germany’s top consultants who was also a trained Homeopath with his own little clinic in the south of Germany. This consultant was a very important figure in this whole experience; my dad respected him, and therefore followed his advice not to opt for a Chemotherapy treatment but rather to follow a holistic programme. He was also the one who pointed out that my dad’s lifestyle was what had made him sick and that changing it for a healthier one would increase his chances of recovery.

Another important incident worth mentioning is the story of my brother, Markus. His wife Margit was diagnosed with a deadly form of Leukemia in 1990, before they were married. She spent 1 year in hospital, during which she had to go through an endless list of Medical and Chemotherapy treatments, operations, until one day Markus said that he had enough of Margit being used as a guinea pig and signed a form for her to be released. He searched and found an anthroposophical clinic where Margit was treated using a holistic approach.

At the time he was trying to explain to me that there had to be an underlying emotional reason for the Leukemia to occur in the first place. I was very sceptical and thought it was all a lot of rubbish; taking Margit out of hospital was a death sentence. Today they are happily married with a healthy son.
Markus was the one who opened me up to a lot of mind/body/spirit knowledge, giving me precious advice, which finally convinced me that some form of toxic memory or trauma must have created this tumour within my dads body.

Disclaimer

I wish to point out that everything in relation to my dads cancer is the experience that we went through. In his case there was no Chemotherapy or radiotherapy treatment. It does not mean that what we did is the way to recovery with whatever you are going through. Every case is different and it is up to the individual what kind of treatment they want to opt for. I can’t express enough how important it is to be well informed and to search for capacities in the medical field, trained in conventional and complimentary treatments or at least open to it. Decide to be guided with what feels right for you in your heart and if you are unsure and want to try out something like Chemotherapy then this is your choice. You also have the choice to change your treatment whenever you feel its the right thing to do, after consulting a qualified doctor.

In whatever you choose please know that it is always important to take the responsibility into your hands and find the root cause of your illness. Your body is crying out for you to address an issue and an illness is the perfect time for healing.

I wish you all the luck in the world on your path to a healthy body!

Challenges

Often in life we are faced with big challenges, some of them so big that we find it incredibly hard to deal with. Some of them were chosen before birth in accordance with our guides to give us great possibilities in growth for our evolvement; our Soul’s and Higher Self’s natural desire. Those challenges can be unfinished businesses from past lives and by bringing them up in this life we have a chance to deal with them thoroughly, let go of the negative and keep the valuable lessons.

The ultimate goal of the global divine consciousness is to come to a place of complete forgiveness, meaning forgiveness of the self and others. In all areas of our lives we always have a choice. We can come to earth with the most refined intentions but sometimes, when we get caught up in the earthly chaos, the ego’s weakness acts as a block filled with excuses as to why and how we are unable to overcome these challenges by breaking through illusionary created barriers.

Our soul is then tucked away like a child who is desperately trying to get a word into a hefty discussion between adults, unheard and ignored.

We have at all times the choice to listen to the tiniest whisper of our souls, our true spirit to keep the thought of self growth, based on inner joy, love and happiness, alive. That thought is like a flicker of light reminding us that improvement is available to us, the strength will come as we keep going.

Strength and forgiveness is fuelled by understanding circumstances and situations, the connections in our lives. By raising our awareness into the connections in our lives and their purposes, we then also start to reconnect with our true selves. The higher aspect of this is realigning us back into our spiritual connection, one which is so important to create a meaningful life at all, a re-activation of the God gene.

Some of those challenges could also be created by unfortunate circumstances of different energies acting from destructive behaviour to stop us from our evolvement. It is – at the time of it happening – not always clear as to where those challenges are originating from.

As we move out of an old lower consciousness onto the next level of it we will be able to tell the difference. Patience, determination and persistence is required, mixed with will power and strength. Yet, with the focus on improvement for the highest good of all and to the best of our abilities, everyone of us has the chance ‘to make it’. Look at yourself as you look at others.

At all times it is important that we ask for protection from those around us who are still stuck in negative energies and whose intent is not to support us but rather to pull us back down. There are also individuals who have no intent to take self responsibility and therefore attach and drain the ones willing to make life improvements in their attempt to create better conditions for themselves, their loved ones and ultimately for the world.

The Universe is always at hand to support and bring us what we need, its up to us whether we take it or leave it. Essential tools and pathways will be brought to us which can assist enormously in phases of challenges.

In this blog I will be writing about a few challenging situations brought into my life and that of other people, including the discoveries we made over the years. You will find out how those I write about managed to come out of a dire situation, how they used the lessons they learnt to move onto their next level of their evolvement.
As you all know we are all connected. Each time you solve an issue and create new strengths by replacing forgiveness with love, you are creating a healthy platform for others to follow by connectively healing them.

We might think that we can do it all alone, but the nature of our existence is that to collaborate as best as possible.

Of course there will be situations where we are on our own. They give us a different kind of strength based on the knowing that we can manage moments of crises, where we feel almost abandoned. Use it as a time of inner reflection.

More and more people will be attracted into our lives that will support and enhance us just as we can do the very same thing to them.

It is the beginning of a healthier world, a world where we create together instead of keep destroying the gifts we were given, all along.

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Finding out the root cause of my dad’s cancer!

After my dad’s recovery from pancreatic cancer I decided to practise and learn healing techniques myself. How wonderful would it be if I could directly work on people in their pursuit to heal their bodies.

The Journey process for me was an absolute revelation (www.thejourney.com). In other posts on this blog you can read more about the life changing experiences I had when working with people on a deep cellular level. The moment I found the Journey process I wanted to constantly practise and work on people to explore the root cause of an issue and assist them in releasing their stored pain. My dad was no exception and so, 6 weeks after attending my first Journey seminar, we went to Germany for Christmas and my dad agreed to undergo one of these processes.

At this point I would like to mention that my dad always thought he knew what had brought on the cancer. He remembered times of extreme stress;

1980 he had just finished extending our house with a huge mortgage when he was made redundant. From one day to another he was left without work, a huge debt and 3 teenage children. After a lot of persuasion from my side he decided to take the step and become self-employed. Within a short space of time he became a very successful inventor and businessman.

Then my dad began investing in shares, which is a kind of gamble. It keeps you in a state of constant alertness, especially with the amount of shares he decided to invest in. Needless to say that when the stock market crashed, his nervous system did the same.

Maybe the time when his mother needed 24/7 care took its toll on him too and was one of the reasons for the cancer. My dad – worried about spending money on a carer – had my mother do the work, which was an incredibly taxing job to do. My grandmother was a difficult woman and soon my dad’s patience began to wear thin, resulting in explosive reactions, again causing himself extreme stress.

From a therapeutic point of view, all of these stress factors were surely worsening his health, despite the fact that he always remained fit with a mostly healthy diet.

Yet, the root cause of his cancer started at a time in his life when he was 2 years old. During the process he saw how his pancreas was affected by a deep fear he experienced whilst watching his father beat his mother. This fear, at such a young age, was a shock to his system and remained stuck in his cell memory until it eventually turned into a malignant tumour at the age of 64.

All the other stressful moments in his life added to this unhealthy seed of fear, shock and trauma, which was planted in 1942. At the same time the beating of a woman by her husband to my dad became the truth as to how to treat women to keep them in their place. Everything we experience until the age of 6 is perceived as the truth because the logical brain has not been developed by then.

Once he released all the attached negative emotions and the effects of those memories by also forgiving the people involved, my dad literally saw his pancreas heal.

Laura Bond, who wrote an article about this very fascinating experience in her blog ‘Mum’s not having Chemo’, asked me during her interview whether I thought that by finding the root cause the cancer never had a chance to grow again. A question I had never asked myself. The answer is YES, most probably!

My dad’s recovery from pancreatic cancer

In this post I give an in-detail account of my father’s full recovery from pancreatic cancer. I hope that by reading this, people having similar experiences will gain encouragement and awareness that there are alternatives, and that no matter how things may seem, there is hope.

It was on a Sunday night, the 5th September 2004 when my dad called to tell us that there was something wrong with him.

We were still recovering from my 40th birthday celebrations from the day before and although the party had been brilliant, with friends who had travelled especially from abroad, I couldn’t help but feel uneasy, as if something unpleasant was about to happen.

‘I’m in hospital’, my dad explained ‘my eyes are yellow and my blood sugar is extremely high. The doctors want to keep me in hospital to find out what’s wrong with me. I’ll keep you updated’.

In anxious anticipation we all awaited the results of the medical tests. Finally on Wednesday my dad called. “Patrizia,” he said. “I have some bad news; the doctors found a malignant tumour in my pancreas. There is nothing we can do about this other than accept it. Don’t worry about coming over, there is not much you can do for me here. It’s more important that the children go to school. Come over during half term’. As he spoke these words to me, I remember walking down Camden Road in Tunbridge Wells, sobbing, not caring about the people around me seeing me in such a state. It wasn’t just what he said, it was the way he said it; he tried to be positive, even laughed to keep me calm and confident.

Everybody who suddenly finds themselves in a situation like this with a loved one knows what a shock it is and the first thought that comes to mind is to help as much as possible, to be there and to carry out thorough research. It can only be described as a state of panic mixed with a desperate attempt to stay calm and act at the same time. It gives you a sense of power in a seemingly powerless situation.

Somehow my then-husband, William, and I had to work out how this could be done; our son Christopher had started secondary and our daughter Vanessa was still in primary school.

The plan was for us to drive back to Germany the following weekend (we had just spent our summer holiday there the week before) and for William to leave Vanessa and myself with my parents in Germany whilst he was to return home with Chris so he wouldn’t miss his first days at Secondary School.

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August 2004 in Germany. Left to right: My dad, Martin and my then-husband William, August 2004
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My dad with jaundice, my son Chris, Sept 2004, Saturday after our arrival

Everybody tried to come to terms with a new reality. How could this be, we asked ourselves. My dad was always so strong and in control. His lifestyle was healthier than that of many others; my mother’s food was always fresh and home cooked. He also did a lot of physical work such as playing tennis on a regular basis and looking after his garden. I had only one memory of him ever falling ill, with a slight fever. I must have been 12 years old.

Right from the start I felt that I would end up taking the situation mostly into my own hands, although it seemed totally insurmountable at the time.
Everybody around me was there to assist as best as they could in their own way; My brother Markus explained to me how suppressed emotions were the root cause of most illnesses, which at the time I found hard to believe. He began to look into the connections between emotional issues and disease long before, when his wife was diagnosed with a deadly form of Leukaemia in 1990. She is still alive today.

My youngest brother Matthias was helping out simply by supporting us.
All of my friends and my parents’ friends were there. Neighbours would come and give valuable information.

It felt like a network of connections where everybody’s support was immensely important.

Everybody involved, including the doctors, was playing their essential part and the best of their abilities had to be used to bring about the best outcome.

Then there were the endless phone calls from people trying to sell us their products or recommending some kind of treatment to us. In times like these you have to be very careful to distinguish between people who truly have your best interests at heart and those who are only interested in your money.

At the time the only alternative method of healing I knew was Homeopathy. Inside me was a deep, intuitive knowing that Homeopathy would be the right treatment to use. But how did I know this was really it, and what type of homeopathic remedy would it be? My mind was constantly doubting how I knew that this was the way to go whilst a deep inner knowing kept reassuring me. It was often hard to stand by it especially when critical doctors or some of my fathers friends would carefully try to tell me I was delusional.

During my dad’s 6 week stay at one of Germany’s top pancreatic cancer hospitals I did a vast amount of research into understanding the development of this cancer. Every doctor we spoke to warned us about what to expect once this type of illness had spread, (the chance of survival was 3%) and what could be done to extend his life.

One doctor advised that he undergo mild Chemo combined with an intravenous Vitamin C supplement. Another doctor suggested 4 weeks of intensive Chemo- and Radiotherapy followed by a Whipple operation. The antroposophical hospitals offered a treatment which combined Chemo, mistletoe, music and art therapy. When I asked one of the consultants at the antroposophical hospitals whether they had a treatment specifically designed for the individual and to tackle the root causes of the cancer, I was told that the mistletoe therapy would cover all of that. Whilst I didn’t doubt that the mistletoe therapy was a brilliant remedy for certain things, in this case it was too unspecific.

2 weeks into my dads hospital stay William rang me up from England to tell me about a call he had received from our friend Ulrike Holzer, who was studying at Eastbourne college to become a Homeopath. They were learning about the ‘Plussing Method’, which is a homeopathic approach to cancer treatment. The moment I heard about it, I knew that I had found what I was looking for.

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‘A Homeopathic Approach to Cancer’ by Dr. Ramakrishnan.

If I could advise the readers of this article, I would recommend investigating the multitude of available cancer treatments. Of course everybody is free to take the Chemotherapy route if they feel it is right for them. However, there are hundreds of alternatives which you may have never even heard of which might be perfectly suited to you. Or you might consider a combination of both; chemo and holistic treatment. Make sure you learn to tell apart those which are genuine and effective and those devised by people who prey on desperate patients. It was my dads consultant who also advised us to consider alternative healing methods. On the day my dad checked out of hospital, he told us: ‘Consider treatments other nations use. The Chinese, for instance, don’t use Chemotherapy. Watch out for charlatans though’.

Whatever you decide to do – and I can’t stress this enough – make sure you find out the root cause of the illness and make the appropriate lifestyle changes. A top consultant, fully trained in both medicine and Homoepathy, later said to my dad; ‘you have to change something about your lifestyle because it is exactly this which has made you ill in the first place’.

My father underwent a 6 hour Whipple operation, a very common procedure in cases of pancreatic cancer. It was a day of incredible tension, because we had no idea what the doctors would find, and we could only hope that the operation would turn out fine. Finally in the late afternoon I got hold of the surgeon and was told that the operation had been unsuccessful because the tumour had grown around the aorta, which made it too risky to operate. Later, when all the relevant tests had been carried out, the doctors told us that the the entire pancreas was inflamed around the tumour and that nothing more could be done.

By the time my dad was released from hospital I had found and got in touch with a top consultant, also an experienced Homeopath. He advised against Chemotherapy. “It does not cure the illness”, the consultant told my dad, “and it actually weakens your immune system”. He then referred him to a doctor (also trained in Homeopathy) closer to my dads home town who would start the treatment that eventually saved his life.

I have to mention at this point that this doctor did not immediately apply the Plussing method. It was only after I decided with all my courage to walk into his practise one day, carrying the book in my hand, holding it in front of him and asking: ‘Could you please apply this on my dad’? He simply said: ‘Of course I can, if he is happy to follow the programme!’

Vanessa was with me for the entire 2 months we stayed in Germany, showing endless patience for an 8 year old girl. Her presence gave me strength and hope. William and Chris came to visit once during half term. It was a time of incredible learning and inevitably the pathway to my own healing practice today.

Now it was time for my daughter and me to return to England and trust in the future. We had done all we could and now fate would take its course.

Whilst my dad was applying the Plussing Method daily, he wrote his will and finished all the building work he was having done on his house. It was the one thing he’d never got round to doing – a loft conversion. It was very unusual for everybody to see huge cranes appearing on my parents tiny road to start 3 months of building work, my dad constantly supervising and even helping out when he could, rather than feeling sorry for himself.

At the end of March 2005, 1 day before my dad was due to have another CT scan, a camera team filming a documentary about Homeopathy and its effects had arranged to use my dad as an important case study for their programme. They could not believe their eyes as the building works were still ongoing at the time of their arrival.

At the end of the day my dad asked the director: ‘what if tomorrow they find that the tumour has spread? You can’t possibly use me in your documentary to explain to people how healing Homeopathy is’. The director replied: ‘We will decide then what can be done’.

The next day, just before my dad went in for his CT scan a doctor asked him whether he was using Chemo and my dad said: ‘No, Homeopathy’. The doctor walked away saying; ‘this will never heal a tumour as severe as this’. During the CT scan no tumour was found. The team of doctors was so perplexed that they began to wonder whether their CT scanner had broken.

We couldn’t believe it. Weeks of anxiety and concern, hope, tears and tension. What about the time when we went to see my dad on the day after his operation? The surgeon took my brother Matthias to one side to tell him that my dad had a maximum of 1 year to live and we should enjoy every day.

Some people believed that it wasn’t a tumour after all, others were full of admiration for all the effort and work I had put into this. Ulrike said to me; “you were pulling all the strings in this incredibly stressful time, without putting any pressure on your dad or forcing him into using what you thought would help him. You gave him a choice and put him in touch with the right people.”

Oh yes, all of this is true, and still it has to be said that there is no way I could have done any of this without the support and input of the people who were with us.