All posts by divinereconnection

Growing up witnessing narcissistic abuse

During my childhood I learnt an awful lot about the psychology behind narcissistic abuse. From the age of 8 years old I witnessed first hand every possible tactic, applied to perform gaslighting in a terrifying manipulative hurtful way. This was directed towards the women in our family, indirectly effecting us children. Experiences of that kind propel children from one moment to another into adulthood. In a desperate attempt to deal with this situation as best as possible, I thoroughly began looking into the psychology of such manipulative mind sets. Why and how could anybody inflict such pain? The daily excessive stress we found ourselves exposed to needed to be addressed; time to get real with what was playing out right in front of us. This could only be done by honest observation and mind exploration. Looking back I remember how desperate I was to protect those I loved so much Luckily I did! There was this inner voice telling me NOT to remain oblivious to the reality of what was going on. It was unnatural for me to hide away and ‘just let them get on with it’, which can be a natural thing for a child to do. Had I dismissed that inner voice to protect, the physical abuse would have ended up tragically. My way of showing solidarity and love was to act and protect. For of all the obvious reasons why I stood in between the victimiser and the victim, one of them was the knowing that one of the ladies in particular was here to teach me unconditional love. In my heart I knew that this would be a very important lesson in my life and that one day this experience had to be transformed in teaching others.

My childish beliefs at the time were simple; live in harmony, togetherness, protect one another, have fun, try to come to some agreement, love. Most children think that way but this can change over the years through a string of life’s conditioning, fueled by society’s implanted belief systems of nonacceptance, of not being good enough. This takes us away from unity into unhealthy competitive thinking patterns; success is measured by the amount of money or titles we possess. False religious belief systems have confused the essence of our true spirit, i.e. preaching of a loving but yet resentful God, one that will come crashing down on us shameful sinners if we dare open up to boundless joy or consider the joy of love making anything other than an act of impurity, solely designed for child production. Built in false belief systems around God have lead to conflict, to many religious wars. Power driven politicians have used this as a perfect excuse to play with human life. Their argument towards the people of their country is always the same; in order to have peace, we must fight wars, lets start yet another war in God’s name.

Could all of this be part of the underlying issues of the anti-humanitarian approach I was observing around me?

No matter how I tried to justify any adult ego actions, none of this conditioning made any sense to me, the catholic teachings convinced me even less. Why would an unconditionally loving God condition us at all cost and only love us under certain conditions and on top of that wants us to suffer and fight? Aren’t these the actual sins? Why are we forced to confess, regardless whether we had actually ‘sinned’? How often was I forced to confess and couldn’t think of anything horrible I had done, other than being bullied myself. Still, I was forced to confess and actually had to make up a lie just to come up with anything. ‘Surely, this can’t be right either’ I remember thinking! ‘being forced to lie to then show false remorse ….what kind of God would come up with such hypocrisy!?’ What about the belief that a confession can simply wash away our deeds in case we did actually cause harm. Why is it ok for an ego driven personality to continue just in the same way as before confession to then think its all gone? How can 100 Ave Maria prayers wipe away our human sins, without further investigation behind the reason for unjust actions? How about some true self reflection and forgiveness, followed by self improvement? Why would God punish us for things that come naturally to us? Is he not the creator of diversity and individuality after all? Why are the very people who go to church every Sunday so full of contradiction and believe they can get away causing harm to others? Do they really believe that doing lip service to GOD is sufficient to be considered a ‘good caring’ person? I remember at the time observing church goers, trying to figure out how they could sit there, all eyes on a crucified Jesus, whilst holding their hands in prayer but actually not acting or living a life according to his teachings!

Surely something deeper and profound had to be found and done to come to peace and in alignment with a loving force.

Just to eliminate any misunderstandings; there are plenty of religious people who do an awful lot of good from the truthful core of their hearts, guided by the original teachings of their religion, based in love!

The aforementioned description counts for everything in life. Do we live our truth or a lie? Spirituality has replaced many of the religions, which doesn’t mean that the same contradictions aren’t applied in the same manner, only dressed up as ‘spirituality’.

My childhood beliefs never changed but instead have become a certainty. Many times people tried to convince me otherwise; its normal to send men to war as cannon fodder, there will never be peace, its accepted to mistreat women by controlling them into obedience, its pointless to follow one’s purpose … Why would I choose to believe something that truly makes no sense at all? How different our world would be if all we did was become love again?! Whats wrong with that and why have we become so used to constantly act against our natural selves? We could lead such beautiful lives, just like it was intended to be. We are made from love, everything on this planet is. God is not an angry old man sitting on a cloud, pointing his finger at us losers, denying us all the happiness he has originally filled us with.

He is the highest vibration energy frequency there is. Every molecule and atom, every cell on this planet is flooded with his consciousness.

Yet, if we were made to believe that we are separate from God because we are sinners or were given false images of him projected onto us, then we become divided within us. Rather than uniting us in harmony, separation from his divine consciousness takes place. Man made replacements of illusionary belief systems, expressing itself as the ego-self, will always fail to compensate for our loss in faith and trust. How we begin to see the world, how we behave, how we treat each other, how we look up to deranged leaders depends on our perception. Lies, violence and betrayal can never be the norm. Altered images will lead to a life half lived. Yes, we can’t always agree and many times we get hurt. We can choose to break away from old conditioning to reconnect with unconditional love, instead of using mountains of suppressed pain to control that which can never be controlled; our true loving selves and each other. Rejecting the best parts of us because of some deeply rooted convictions of unworthiness and nonacceptance creates frustration, leading to anger, insecurity turning into fear. A healthy attitude towards life and our fellow human beings will therefore be harder to achieve. Living in harmony with our soul/spirit and bodies makes life effortless.

Continuing to see our creator as an energy of a loving but yet raging presence, is what will make us follow and belief in false prophets. Acceptance of a twisted God draws us to opt for twisted ‘leaders’. We have forgotten what real powerful love feels like.

What we do to another, we do to ourselves. Love is not violent but gentle and yet powerful beyond our wildest dreams, it brings people together instead of dividing them, it harnesses and values life, rather than recklessly abuse it. Pure love does not demand but suggests, guides and supports rather than force and suppress the very best of us.

During these challenging childhood years all I knew is that somehow a solution had to be found to stop this violent and mentally destructive pointlessness. So I did what I could; I comforted, consulted, mediated, interfered during physical abuse to stop it and – to my surprise – I prayed and prayed. If there was a Higher Force, it could only be pure goodness. Its not ‘holy’ to cause such harm to anybody, not to speak of a loved one. Where does the arrogance come from to believe that it is fine to use love as a weapon? Life is precious, all of life is.

One thing I was unable to do because it never was and to this day is rarely taught to us, was to learn how to heal painful scars from trauma and how to thoroughly release negative emotions. The only way how to deal with intense challenging situations was to suppress stressful emotions, one because it was a matter of survival and two because there was no alternative method. Buried negativity is not a sign of strength but will in fact lead to oppression and, in a worst case scenario, make us belief this is normal to the point where we follow and fall for the same old energy life patterns. Physical and emotional issues are the results of that. Do we always have to wait for a wake up call in order to change towards a healthier direction?

It is not easy to admit that somebody we thought we could trust at any point in our lives, turns out to have very disturbing damaging trades, especially if it severely effects other’s quality of life. Turning a blind eye is definitely not the way forward, one has to see reality for what it is. We can not transform a no-way out situation into a positive outcome, if we ourselves are allowing to be swept into a turmoil of highly destructive behaviour of any form, born from an ego mind controller. When we look at the exact status quo of what is going on and address that with pure intent, then a whole new world of hidden truths are revealed to the self. This is the moment where we can take action.

Uncovering lies, looking behind manipulative ego games, connecting the dots of a conditioned mind set from unhealthy inherited belief systems, based on trauma, disappointments, harsh upbringings and how that plays itself out with different people involved, is an introduction into a world of the psychology of a false identity. At the same time it gives us windows of opportunities to find creative holistic solutions with long lasting effects to bring our fair share of the good we can do. ‘Why create more hardship rather than trying to solve present challenges to improve life? This cannot be our life’s purpose’, were my predominant thoughts as a child. Physical/emotional abuse and betrayal are not our original human trade marks. Love must be the answer to many questions. Seeing clearly the difference between loving and non-loving actions through behavioural patterns, be it in our private lives, our work environment or political leadership, gives us the strength to jointly maneuver ourselves out of highly destructive conflicts.

Somebody in power who agrees to something that pleases us individually, but still causes plenty of damage effecting others, is still destructive. Distorted belief systems of all sorts, including that of a two faced God, need to be transformed into visions born from love.

My attempts to turn an extreme case of narcissistic abuse around lasted for 5 years, after which I found myself counselling my school friends. I didn’t even know I was doing it and it wasn’t a way to distract from myself. It was a natural development. One big lesson I took away from the experience was to never allow anybody to use and abuse me and in case it did happen, to find a way out of it. There was also an inner desire to come out of any suppression, if that was to happen.

Although I saw some terrible things, interestingly I also saw the real self of a person and the good it could do if living in the prison of a false identity was not an option anymore. What is it we don’t wish anymore and how can this be transformed. The history of the human race can only be stopped from repeating itself when we start to see clearly, starting with ourselves. Breaking out of old comfort zone conditioning can be so difficult, yet remaining in it will never set us free.

My aunt died as a result of being married to a bully narcissist who was using verbal abuse as a way to control and dominate her and by doing so oppressing her femininity to the point where her body was so intoxicated from inner disharmony that it became cancerous.

During her life she was constantly humiliated and ridiculed by her husband. He did whatever he wanted, causing her much pain. It made her nervous, restless, giving her a feeling of incompleteness and unworthiness. Her way to balance and outweigh such undeserved disrespect was by compensating in material replacements. When she passed over, her husband broke down in terrible guilt and despair. To this day he is full of regrets, from knowing that he could and should have treated his wife with recognition and love.

Maybe because of witnessing destructive behaviour as well as observing resilience on those who were hurt the most, I somehow managed to make the most of my life. These times remain unforgettable and precious, something I wouldn’t want to miss. What a gift to meet a variety of a colourful mix of outstanding people, teaching me so much.

What I didn’t know was that – despite my determination and strength, my inner appreciation of life, lots of fun loving moments – the pain and residues of the trauma were still stored inside the cells of my body. Because of the belief that ‘pushing down’ sadness and powerlessness of unpleasant past times was the best coping mechanism, I would not allow myself to see a connection between childhood experiences and a prolapsed disc later on in life, followed by severe panic attacks. The trigger for this sudden collapse of my physical system, leading to a destabilization of my emotional state was during a time were there was little support, emphasized by huge burdens of financial stress; a situation which was totally avoidable, carried out behind my back against my intuition (hence the prolapsed disc).

Determined to become my independent self again and guided by my own promise I had made as a child, to not allow anything or anybody to keep me suppressed for life, I found one of the most powerful cellular healing techniques available; the Journey work. Here I was, fascinated by the ability to explore my own mind and its connections to the past as well as dive even deeper into the human psychology and follow that all the way back to previous lifetimes. It was not easy at first to re-train my mind to allow my soul to explore and connect with stored cell memories of unfinished business; from being an expert of storing away negative feelings into the depth of my being, I was now challenging myself in becoming a master of surrender into old painful emotions and by doing so thoroughly releasing it through every cell of my body.

My childhood dream and desire was always to assist people in their transformation and show them their best part to come out of destructive ego patters. How amazing would it be if I could help other people feel whole again. …?

Fired up by the endless healing possibilities Journey work was offering, I suddenly found myself standing right in the center of my heartfelt purpose. It had been a long winding road to finally find myself absorbed with my passion and professionally working from it. Who would have thought that the experiences from hardship coupled with some promises I made to myself, would eventually lead me to do the very work I love doing so much; supporting people in opening up to the power of unconditional love by reconnecting them with the true essence of their beautiful spirit.

How to distinguish between the divine and a narcissistic personality disorder

There are different types of narcissistic behaviours, depending on the person’s personality type disorder. Here are some of the major characteristics, described in short:

The narcissistic drama queen uses a more dramatic approach to create a Hollywood style of suffering, intended to attract as much sympathy as possible. They will use any type of tragedy to put themselves into the forefront, making it look as if it was for a real cause. The bully narcissist, also known as the sociopath, acts out its erratic confrontational approach through direct verbal and physical threats and abuse, using that as the most powerful tool for suppression and fear production, to the point where people are afraid to freely speak or even dare to be their true selves. The paranoid type suspects betrayal behind every action, wrongly perceived to be directed at the self from an overload of suspicion, which in actual fact is a mistrust towards the self. In this case, distinguishing confusing false conspiracies from actual facts becomes a real challenge. The passive/aggressive type operates with hidden strategies, much harder to be backtracked, especially because they use false-projection tactics in order to distract from their damaging actions (this is in actual fact a method applied by all narcissistic types). Whilst everybody is now focused on the wrongly accused, they can cause more harm, unhindered. The few that can see clearly what is happening are often dismissed, precious time is wasted, during which false promises are made, never meant to come to fruition. Anything is done to give the ego what it needs most: followers, praise, admiration.

There are narcissistic types who possess one of the aforementioned trades, others have a combination of them.

It is important to understand the Enneagram in order to clearly see the difference between a person’s true spirit in comparison to the ego self. One side of the spectrum represents the true brilliance in each and every one of us; a kaleidoscope of different personality types, merged with the wisdom of the spirit, acting selflessly from its purpose to be of service, the other indicates a falling away from this natural radiance into an all self-absorbed, destructive ego driven construct of a false identity. When in a healthy state of true identity we work together harmoniously, balancing each other out. A person unable to address underlying issues for a variety of reasons, will begin to disconnect from its love connection to the Higher Self and begin to shift into an unhealthy state of non-spirituality, replaced by a fabrication of an ego identity. Over time the ego self shapes itself into the person’s original healthy behavioural model, suppressing more and more its true identity by tricking the mind to believe it is the ‘real deal’. An overload of ego is always an illusion, a cover up of the true self. It clouds the wholeness of the divine within a human through a disconnection to the divine source of love. In other words; leaving unfinished business undealt in the corners of the subconscious mind field, leads to the opposition of a person’s authenticity.

Endless possibilities are always given to dismantle an overload of an ego build up, if the person is willing to do so. This opens doors back into Oneness with the spirit self, expanding into the total sum of the original human spirit. Our home is who we really are; deep inner peace, harmony, happiness, togetherness, love. Source is a constant supplier to keep the vibration at its highest level, it is up to us whether we wish to connect with that or not. If we do, then any needs for demanding behaviours, control, disharmonisation, dismantling of a healthy state of consciousness, fall away. Stubbornly holding on to an over active ego self always leads to blocking our cells from their essential high frequency energy of love, leaving them in a toxic environment, contaminating the mind(s) to the point of complete personality disorder.


When exploring the personality disorder of a narcissist, it is done to raise full awareness of the crippling consequences this will lead to if left unaddressed; the ego pattern of a narcissist leaves trails of widespread destruction behind, causing conflict in every way possible. People can easily get caught up in the mind games of this kind of personality disorder; a narcissist knows how to wrap its prey or people around its finger to then attack or lash out when least expected, using a vocabulary of specifically selected harsh words and unpredictable actions to shock the victim into obedience. Confused from such unexpected attacks, the victim remains in a state of confusion. Here is where the mind game becomes obvious. Those who escaped narcissistic relationships take a while to heal but once they have freed themselves from the shackles, they can claim their souls back and choose from the gift of free will to finally do all they can to stand in their true divine power.

What drives a narcissist is the need for constant admiration for self-aggrandisement. Measures are put in place to have absolute control over everybody. Without these obligatory ties in place, the narcissist in unable to feed from people’s energy fields; obedience, obliviousness, sacrificing one’s power by blindly following the leader in a co-dependent state of false trust, turns into an oppressive blame game launched by the narcissist, whereby in the end nobody wins. Taking pleasure in people’s suffering builds up the ego type even more, giving it a false sense of self-importance. Building and maintaining walls of separation are always constructs of the ego mind. ‘Leaders’ who suggest and then have actual walls built, never come from an authentic place of bringing people together. Listening to lies, wrapped in dictatorship-like actions become the norm. Clearly this indicates a downward spiraling leadership, into a dark non-loving world, where hate and pointless hardship rule.

The time has come where humanity has to move out of this habitual low vibration state of human consciousness. Too many families, groups or communities are effected. The impact political narcissistic leaders have is dire for the economy, the world, the environment, communities, with devastating results, causing division between genders, races, the rich and poor, nations. Shockingly we can see that agonising painful separation between immigrant children and parents have become accepted, as well as betrayal against allies, extinction of animal species, poisoning and destruction of the planet; all of which is a direct result of dictatorial leadership. Denying humanity’s expression of free will in a democratic world is a dangerous endeavour.

In extreme cases the pompous appearance of some currently in leading positions can lead to civil unrest or world wars.

One of the major basic issues of a narcissistic behavioural disorder is absolute terror of loosing its grip of power abuse, coupled with a lack of self esteem, suppressed pain lashing out to the outside world. Playing God becomes their favourite game and in that the human spirit gets lost. Without the human spirit they can convince anybody that they are THE savior! In reality we have been warned for centuries about what is happening now; watch out for false prophets.

Political narcissists are perfect puppets for a very small percentage of highly destructive individuals, the 1 % of the super rich whose identity is not based on a lack of self esteem and terror but rather on a system of totalitarianism/authoritarianism. They have moved beyond the need to play God and belief indeed that they are more powerful than God, based on the amount of control they have with immeasurable vast accumulations of wealth, possessions as well as collaborating with dark forces. Love is not on their agenda, instead it is the enslavement of the human race.

Here a definition of authoritarianism: it is characterized by highly concentrated and centralized power maintained by political repression and the exclusion of potential challengers. It uses political parties and mass organizations to mobilize people around the goals of the regime.

A pure unconditionally loving creator, who – by the way – does not create evil, we do, wishes for every single one of us a prosperous abundant life. All we have to do is use the gift of our own creative powers from love to keep transforming negative ego produced energy into positive outcomes, directly from our Higher Selves. The ego driven narcissistic leader does the exact opposite by keeping negative thought patterns alive, causing more toxicity. A loving God always grants us access to live in harmony with all of existence, firmly anchored in divine self empowerment. Hypocrites acting in disservice towards the human race are demanding, manipulative, void of any compassion with a strong need to control the masses against each other, initiators of war. A spider web of dark interconnections is sold to us as the only solution to peace. Why would we fall for such traps throughout centuries? There is only one force in charge of its own creation and that is the Source of infinite intelligence. Our spirits are woven into the divine law of Oneness, a place where ego will never succeed.

The importance of acceptance by living in the NOW of non-denial

Let me start this chapter of ‘Accepting the NOW’ with valuable lessons learnt with the experience we had when my dad was diagnosed in 2004 with pancreatic cancer.

The beauty with these vital life lessons is that we can assist many struggling along the way, lost in a vastness of controversy emotions and energies. Everything described right here can be related to many of you out there. All the time I uncover new revelations, my desire is to share the experiences with everybody in support. This is naturally ingrained within our DNA. May every word written reignite that what you already know, deep down inside your hearts and may it also be a reflection of something you have come across, making it easier to deal with it. Know that you are not alone in what you are going through, we are here to support one another.

One very important aspect I learnt throughout life and especially during the time of my father’s illness was to accept a current situation, regardless of its difficulty to do so. Had I remained passive and inactive in certain situations, all the way back to early childhood, my mother would not be alive anymore and I would have remained stuck in old toxic environments, riddled with deep unhappiness. But this is not who we are! This is not to say that there weren’t moments of denial later on in life; yet when we believe in growth and expansion, these moments will soon disappear and realign the self with the divine truth of evolution. Our job is to master the fear of moving out of a comfort zone prison into the trust of our own global universal selves.

My dad demonstrated his ability to immediately and completely accept reality as it was during tough times, acting like a pillar of strength. Because of his upbringing he would not allow himself to take responsibility for some of his actions and in that became non-accepting and irresponsible. When he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, his usual gift of immediate acceptance presented itself like never before, once he got over his initial shock when doctors first told him that his blood sugar was through the roof (over 300) and then stated the obvious: this yellow colour his body was covered in was jaundice.

There was huge concern about what else they would find in the coming week. It didn’t take him long to get over that shock and the next day he had already gone into his usual energy of acceptance as to how the present reality was unfolding in a state of complete uncertainty. Only now, faced with such an unexpected challenge, it suddenly dawned on him that maybe some of his actions and behaviours were backfiring?! A time of reflection began; was his belief in aggression, born from a belief to never embrace too much joy in life now having an impact on his body?

Everybody took it differently; the combination of the variety of our energies participating in this experience somehow really helped. It felt like a support network created itself, naturally. One thing was for sure, right from the start; we were all in this together. We shared the same intent; in assisting my dad as best as we could, we each played our part in this situation, with me taking on the role in finding the right treatment. Each one delivered their essential part of their expertise.

In the first 3 days before we knew the diagnose was cancer, it felt like somebody had literally taken the floor from underneath my feet. Deep down I was very concerned, my instinct knew that this was something very serious; in the week before I had a feeling of dread in my tummy and could not figure out what it was. My head was trying to convince me that it hopefully was nothing major to worry about and soon we would be told that this was something harmless. Well, it wasn’t!

What gave me the strength to go into this scary challenge was to travel to Germany and do all I could to support my parents in this dire situation. Action would take away this mountain of helplessness, which had suddenly appeared in front of us. It gave us access and healthy means to cope, as well as the purpose to assist. A transformation from dis-empowerment to empowerment was herewith given. There was no time for playing the victim. In fact, nobody in our family or anybody who supported us went into a victimhood state of mind, we had to focus. Today I know that by recognising and accepting the facts exactly as they were, taking action to support my dad as best as possible, whilst looking for a suitable treatment, showing appreciation to all consultants and medical staff involved – no matter whether they were stubborn conventional or holistically more open minded – cooperating with family and friends, was that which brought about the astounding healing results we were presented with 9 months later.

My brother Markus was helping enormously in opening up my mind so I could finally grasp the fact that our unresolved negative or traumatic experiences can cause illness, in this case cancer, even if the experience was a long time ago. He knew what he was talking about, having aided his wife to overcome a deadly form of Leukemia in 1991. My acceptance of understanding the connection between body and mind began to sink in. Nutrition and exercise, trying to have a fun life, without addressing issues and clear them, were not sufficient to maintain a healthy body. Past undigested issues and constant stress are the main factors for an illness. We are alkaline beings; therefore too much acidic foods or drinks, too much focus on a material life style cause illness by harming our cells, living in a stressful disharmonious environment and running our lives on toxic emotions will destroy our cell structure. Our cells can only thrive in a healthy environment, filled with positive emotions (e-motions, energy in motion), consisting of love and harmony.

(Water molecules by Dr. Masaru Emoto)

Before my dad’s illness I believed that a painful situation was already dealt with once it was suppressed. There is much more to that, I began to see the reality of further, much deeper possibilities into the root cause of a physical or emotional issue. We must recognise the signs our body is giving us when it comes to our wellbeing and accept the truth in its communication with us. Continuing on the track of denial and ignorance of the connection between old suppressed trauma, a constant stressful life, resulting in an emotional, mental or physical illness, will lead to a deterioration of the situation.

In the weeks to come – as my dad was undergoing all required examinations – I was reading everything I could about pancreatic cancer, what antrophosophical hospitals had to offer, emailing their doctors, going through a variety of treatment options, printing out case studies from holistic doctors, describing successful cancer recoveries… My dad – to our astonishment – was reading everything whilst in hospital. I wanted to know exactly what we were dealing with, what to expect in the worst case scenario, listen to various opinions, whilst being discerning at the same time, allowing my dad to make his own choices. In all of that I knew instinctively one thing right from the start; we had to use a homeopathic treatment; it was the only powerful holistic treatment I knew at the time, which treats the person in its individuality with its specific issues. No matter how much I tried to sometimes brush that possibility aside, it kept reappearing in my consciousness. All the time we were weighing out options; we had to accept the entire situation presented to us and within that every single moment that brought along different doctors with different ideas of what they thought was the right treatment.

One well known professor for pancreatic cancer for instance suggested a 4 week intense radio- and chemotherapy, after an unsuccessful Whipple op, to reduce the tumour and then operate again. Had we blindly followed that advice, my dad would not be alive today, as was later confirmed by another 3 x top consultant, also trained in Homeopathy. It would have weakened my dad’s immune system considerably, with a high risk the cancer returning with a vengeance.

Everybody has to feel what is right for them and then decide for themselves what treatments they wish to opt for. Family and friends must accept the choices made and support as best as they can. It is a scary time for everybody.

In May 2005 a TV crew came to interview my dad for a scientific documentary on Homeopathy, his astounding recovery was accepted by many but equally dismissed by skeptics, those who reject availability of effective alternative medicine or healing methods, regardless of the amount of evidence presented to them. By doing so they act in dis-service to people’s free will of having the choice to be widely informed. We can not be dictated by those remaining close minded, expecting us to be the same. Pancreatic cancer has a less than 3% survival chance, yet my dad recovered.

The evolution of the human race would be much more advanced if the minds were not kept in a low state of consciousness to be controlled by those who refuse to accept reality as it is and – worse even – declare it as a lie to divert people off their path! How does that give us a choice of healthy possibilities to connect with the Source of all creativity to improve a dire situation? The answer is; think for yourself, observe with a critical but yet open mind. Yes, we do have to be vigilant of charlatans equally; the top consultant of the oncology department advised us to explore alternative options but sense for authenticity within a therapist and what is offered. Even here we must remain awake and aware and use our logical thinking mind, cooperating with our intuition.

Controlling forces have throughout the history of the human race attempted to block important information, valuable for the human race to explore more precious effective solutions for a better, abundant world, important for our evolution to keep improving living standards. Blocking evolution in such ways is in actual fact a crime towards humanity, something that will one day return itself to the individual (s) in form of karmic lessons.

What I am trying to say with this story of acceptance and non-denial is that we can not expect to come out of a ‘haunting’ or ‘dreadful’ situation, inevitably leading to a negative outcome, if we choose to close our eyes and remain passive to the sheer facts staring us in the face. If we do, then we make ourselves weak by living in an illusion of what is not. Living in that illusion makes us vulnerable and powerless, allowing controlling dark forces, be it our own ego or that of people only interested in their own gain and power, to use us for their mind games, draining our energies for a future that is none.

Keep the thought alive of wishing to be truthful, this will always guide you out of moments of self-denial. This is what true care means, especially when we see acceptance with clarity, explore healthy options, take action for the highest good of all to come out of a vicious circle. Dare to admit to your own self-limiting belief issues or a need for unnecessary agrandissement, unhelpful to anybody.

If we connect with all the courage we can possibly master and clear all the fear that leads us to blindness of the present now in a misleading belief that everything is not as it is, we grow! Denial is a dangerous endeavour, it actually leads to more fear, a deterioration of the situation and in the end capitulation.

The Universe can only assist and connect with us when we become very honest with ourselves and wish to see the facts with honesty and clarity. When we say; what have I done to get myself into this mess and what can I contribute to pull myself out of it to bring healing into this very situation, we will open those famous doors of all possibilities, allowing the most powerful healing forces to enter through our consciousness, lifting us out into the reality of ourselves. What we can say and do for our individual private improvement, we can also do for a global crisis.

Just like in my dad’s situation; we are all in this together, we must remain discerning and focus on the truth of reality unfolding itself in front of us to bring about healing into the present! We are the root cause with our thoughtless actions, we can be the solution too. Turning a blind eye will make us and the world vulnerable and add to the destructive powers of those only working for their own gain, careless to our wonderful world. Imagine if we had always acted from integrity, appreciation, acceptance and non-denial, from the power of love and the greatest care for our world, we would not be finding ourselves in a climate crisis or any political conflicts or wars.

We would in fact be having the time of our lives.

So far we have been kept in a state of mind control, numbness and separation. Divided we are weak, it is easier to mislead us that way. Now we find ourselves left with a flicker of hope, lets get together as one and stand up for justice, truth and liberation, coming from pure unconditional love.

When we take action we are empowered! This will diminish the ones walking and working from their own dark shadows, using us as their puppets.

Even when you are terrified by having to face reality as it is; go through that fear. Find what works best for you to liberate yourself. Then, with diplomacy, integrity and perseverance you will find your path. Do whatever you can to bring stability back to this world, which is now reflecting and showing the signs of centuries of unstable behaviour on a huge visible scale. Support those who are already sacrificing themselves to purposefully contribute their energies and expertise to invest into a better world.

We do not know what the outcome will be but if we never try we will never know!

Examples of positive life changes after death vow release

In 2009 I was working with a lady who had been through extreme life challenging situations. The last relationship had been very stressful, with a narcissistic partner who had not only betrayed her in many ways but also left her with huge debts. Her landlord took her to court over a refurbishment issue, despite the existence of a written agreement to reimburse her expenses. She was constantly faced with another big issue, working all hours under the sun to keep everyting going. Regular Journey work kept her motivated, solving parts of the problem, to then be faced with another.

Of course this can happen for many reasons and when we really take responsibility and wish to address our issues, we begin to understand as to why things are happening, the connections from past and present, as well as karmic reasons/lessons.

One day my client found herself in the most dire situation one could possibly imagine. At the time she had been a single mum since her separation, with 2 young children, self-employed, working very hard, without receiving regular payments from her clients. This made it difficult for her to pay the rent in a new property for 4 months, on the verge of being evicted and becoming homeless. She rang me absolutely desperate. I asked whether she remembered having made a death wish at some point. In her state of worry her mind was blank, unable to retract a memory. I promised to help her and asked her to get in touch with me, should she have some kind of realisation. 2 days went by when she rang me saying: “Patrizia, I now know what has happened to me! About 3 years, before me and my partner split, I found myself in such a devastating state, this is when I made a death wish!” She explained what happened, there and then we decided to take her through a vow change.

During a vow change, the person is taken back to a time and place where an unhealthy vow was made, in this case a death wish. On this occasion it was done from self-punishment and guilt. The person is then asked whether they are ready to clear the death vow. It is all based on free will. If the answer is yes, present guides and mentors remove the vow to then be transformed into something beneficial to the self. A positive affirmation replaces the old magnet of bad luck.

Once the client was able to forgive herself, she could physically feel the old death vow being removed. A few days later she reported a feeling of liberating lightness. 1 month later she told me she had reconnected with a beautiful soul mate, whom she later married. She also found her dream job with a secure income, able to pay back her debts; finally she was able to experience the joys of life. Of course, life will always through one thing or another at us, with the absence of a death wish this can be mastered much more effortlessly. Today that very lady is healthily detached from the past haunting events, she can barely remember any of them.

Forgiveness is an important aspect when moving through our fascinating healing journey, creating a strong shift in consciousness. Light will enter into our cells, love can finally heal old stubborn wounds.

Removal of death vows and other destructive statements

There are so many reasons to be grateful for having found the powerful healing tools of the Journey work, one of them was learning all about the existence of vows, what they are, when they were made, where they come from, their constructive or destructive power on our life, that of others and – in concentrated energy forms – all over the world.

We understand the importance of how our thoughts can effect our lives and the world outside. Everything inside our bodies is connected to anything else. None of our organs or body parts are separate from each other; they support one another and cooperate best when we find ourselves in good spirits, promoting harmony and health. Having attended a dissection course during our Bowen training at a Medical School in London, gave us a clear insight in how absolutely everything inside and outside our bodies is interconnected.

Energetically we – as in the human race – are all interconnected equally. How often has it happened that you were thinking a thought and found the person next to you was expressing that thought out loud. This is because our consciousness can pick up thought processes somebody close to us has as the auric fields are interlinked. Or how often has it happened that you were about to contact somebody and that very person is getting in touch with you the moment you think of them?

Every thought we have projects itself outwards and forms energy clouds that can either be constructive or of a destructive nature. We might look at the outside world and say: “that has nothing to do with me”, in reality it has. The effects of the intentional energy of our thoughts we send out will return, an action born from that thought will return too. The moment we clear an inner conflict and clear all toxic emotions, we are causing a healing ripple effect across the world, because of our interconnections.

Even before spiritual teachings became so popular, we often heard the phrase: ‘Be careful what you wish for’…

We have heard and read about energy blocks and barriers, born from society’s educational conditioned sabotaging limiting belief systems. We know they exist and that they can be stuck within our consciousness, we have learnt along the way that we are capable and able to detect and transform them into positive reassuring affirmations. Vows are the most powerful statements we can make, they act like a strong power line that directs and projects outwards and then reflects backwards the very thing we have stated. If done from pure intent, they can protect and guide us, to the point where we will always be taken back onto our purposeful path, moving us back into a positive frame of mind.

Examples of positive vows/beliefs are:

  • I will always remain connected to love,
  • Love and health are my number 1 priority
  • Life on earth is precious and I respect that, including my own
  • Somehow I always find my way back to my true self
  • If somebody treats me with disrespect, I have to step away from that energy respectfully.
  • I won’t control anybody and equally I will not sacrifice my freedom
  • I deserve to be happy because I am

Keep ensuring that the intention around a positive vow remains as purified as possible, so that no underlying secondary gain thoughts of causing hurt, manipulation or dominance interfere with what you really mean to express.

Life condemning vows spoken or in thought form during tragic moments, traumas, abuse, grief, or disappointing times, can be fatal and effect our future lives drastically. Death vows represent the worst kind of vows for obvious reasons. They can sound something like this:  

  • My life is worthless, whats the point of me even being here
  • I wish I didn’t exist or I wish I wasn’t born
  • Everybody hates me, because I am a nobody, I wish I was dead
  • I hate my life and everybody in this world
  • If things don’t improve, I kill myself
  • Nobody cares if I died, I might as well be gone
  • I wish I didn’t have to feel this pain or any emotion, I’d rather be dead
  • Life is one big painful torture, what’s the point in living
  • …..

You get an idea of what is meant by these examples!

They implicate hopelessness and pointlessness towards life and the self, void of any meaning or purpose. It is the biggest form of self-punishment we could possibly build against ourselves, a huge block in shutting out love and appreciation, an eruption of negative beliefs that have convinced the mind that nobody cares so therefore whats the point in caring too. Carrying a conscious or subconscious death vow – no matter as to why and when they were made – will lead onto a downward spiral, where things begin to go wrong. It means entering into a space of living a life filled with unnecessary risks. It can even get to the point where a death wish could lead to illness and eventually become reality.

This does not mean that every accident is related to a death wish. There can be other factors too and one must begin to explore what the root cause of incidents are. You might not even have a death vow but maybe there are other negative vows running your life right now. All of it can be cleared and replaced by stating to yourself, your Higher Self, your guides that you are ready to be released from these chains. Replace them with a variety of healthy life affirmative statements.

If a death wish is in place, then this could be connected to a lot of stressful situations, including weight issues or addictions. Without intentionally clearing self destructive vows, either by meditating, going onto a journey of self discovery or simply by remembering whether we have one or not, we continue to carry a heavy load on our shoulders. Why would we choose to burden our lives when all we can simply do is choose the gift of free will to set ourselves free?! This is definitely something our spirit truly does not wish for us to hold onto any longer. 

As mentioned above, what we express inwardly will reflect outwardly, death wishes will not only effect us, they will consequently impact our world. What impacts our world, will in return negatively effect us. We are all interconnected and can not expect that any actions we take remain ineffective.

Our world is currently run by mass destructive energies reflected back at us, unlike any other times ever experienced before in the history of this existence of the human race. As we were told by Archangel Gabriel: ‘It looks like your world is run on one big death wish, humanity is on a course of self-destruction’.

We can right now decide once again to clear the unwanted and transform the unchangeable past, it will lead to a shift in consciousness and from that more positive change can happen. The more of us who clear their ancient or recently made anti-life wishes, the more this worldwide cloud of mass destructive energy will be reduced. From there we can begin to move forward more effortlessly, clearing old outworn ego patterns, solely focused on self-gain and glorification. Appreciation of what we are given for free needs to be prioritised; a life worth living, filled with freedom, abundance, simplicity, joy, laughter, love and miracles.

Make sure when removing negative life threatening self-made vows to include bad wishes or curses too, regardless whether they are coming from you or somebody else. Nothing must stand between you/us and what we are here to do for. In this we must continue on our healing path and keep forgiving, so that our hearts can open to the spirit of true love again. 

Dictators, thriving on the energy of death wishes, spreading hate and division will disappear alongside their followers, who are fueled by a false sense of power, obeying to their demands to contaminate all of the essentials we depend on, such as water, air and the ground we walk on.

Replace a death wish with the wish of loving life in all its natural glory, appreciate what you have, even if it is the tiniest flicker of something good in your life. Welcome yourself back onto an enlightened path, one that allows trees to grow, clear waters to flow, fresh air to fill your lungs. Healthy mind, healthy body, born into a vibrant prosperous life on earth.

… not to forget self-forgiveness

Self-forgiveness requires the greatest courage in the total process of forgiving, without it we can not complete the act of forgiveness and call ourselves free from the burdens of the past. In so many cases it is the hardest part to accomplish when looking back at the things we have done, those actions we rather wished we’d carried out a different way, knowing how much pain we have caused.

Although we know very well today that at the time we were in a different state of mind, younger, therefore possibly less thoughtful, the sheer fact that we were even capable of telling somebody something hurtful – or worse – those irreversible actions we took, led to so much unnecessary pain. Facts we find very hard to digest. Actions do speak louder than words, whether we use them to create beauty or in harmful ways.

First of all let me tell you that the ability to take such self-introspection in itself is a clear sign that we have come a long way, away from an old self, unable to see what it was doing at the time, or simply didn’t care. The interesting thing is that, when we look back at our younger selves, we can look at that part of ourselves as if looking at somebody else. Yes, it is a part of us from the past, echoing into the present, effecting the now. We are allowed to recycle and transform those events into something positive; holding onto guilt, based on stubbornness, be it from a need to self-punish or a resistance to ever change, will complicate your life unnecessarily. We need to remind ourselves that we are not that old self anymore, our consciousness is forever developing, an ongoing transformative process. Yet, we are holding and clinging onto the things we cannot change anymore, therefore blocking parts of our transformative genes, overpowered by an unwillingness to self forgive. A refusal to forgive that old part is like forbidding the self access to a close reunification with our souls and Higher Selves! Many amongst us have – through their valuable realisations of their self-reflections and insights – long decided to change their behaviour and gone out their way to take appropriate measurements to stop making the same ‘mistakes’ again. Yet, that guilt is still present from the past and unless that is cleared, our own part in being of divine service to others is simply hindered by an old misguided or misbehaved part of us.

Everything in our Universe, in all Universes, on our planet and every other planet, keeps evolving, we keep evolving. If we decide to stop evolution for ourselves by holding onto who we are not anymore, keeping that negative image with a growing self-hate alive – and non-self-forgiveness will do that – then we will begin to stagnate. Stagnation will lead to a whole host of self-sabotage and blocks, definitely taking us away from the beauty, the uniqueness, the brilliance of who we really are. Ego will begin to act as an artificial replacement, until we finally decide to take that step and cut an old outworn cord to our older inexperienced unconscious self.

We cannot be that person again as we were in the past of this present life or an entirely other existence, in the exact same way as we were then. In other life times we might have been of a different gender, nationality, society, with its own limiting belief systems. In this life we can find ourselves surrounded by new life conditions and circumstances, we have changed in many ways! Our look, our body has changed! All of our existences have given us a variety of different experiences. The consciousness of our soul remembers everything and is with us during every incarnation, manifested through its physicality. Yet our behaviour, attitudes, new connections have shaped us! We are an eternal life form, which has decided to experience itself in physical reality. In that our life experiences are vast, our body is the vessel that carries itself with its cells memories time and time again. What shapes us depends on so many factors, including our personality types, our upbringing, perceptions and belief systems, forming our behaviours to be of a certain way. Today we might think those behaviours in the past were unhealthy or unjust. What matters is our readiness to reconnect with the core of our inner truth, who we are and why we are here. Our thoughts, actions, deeds can assist us as the most precious lessons of human behaviour moving through life, transforming us into a wealth of divine universal consciousness or keep us stuck in a stagnant low vibrational guilt consciousness, life time after life time, wasting precious global time to finally evolve out of a vicious circle, effecting everybody else.

Remember this, when you find it hard to self-forgive; in truth you are made of the purest thought of love consciousness, equipped with your own unique genes. You are an image of God’s original self, as different from everybody else as snow flakes are from one another. Although none of us were sent to destroy, manipulate, control and overpower that which can never be overpowered, our minds can easily be altered away from our true beauty into something it was never meant to be and then act from that level of awareness, unlike that of the original compassionate human consciousness.

For whatever reason you became an artificial alteration of your divine self, use that as your doorway back into your power of loving yourself! You have that power with the support of your most reliable allies; your soul and – more importantly – your spirit. Open that door and transform all the illusionary uncomfortable aspects and occurrences into the best positive outcomes, reconnect with your Higher Self, celebrate it! Your growing awareness of yourself, your self forgiveness, is the gateway into understanding yourself and that of human race behaviour. It is giving you vital insights into the aspects of how the mind operates when shut down to its spiritual connection. In that judgement diminishes, providing a much clearer approach when interacting with others. One day you will meet people acting in the same way like you once did, giving you a clear insight into what you used to be like and how that must have come across for others. Those people will relate to you a lot more when they see where you have have been and how far you have come. Your wisdom will teach and inspire them to belief they can transform too because in reality there are no others, only the self.

Look at the impact converted drug dealers have or fraudsters, racists or fanatics when they had their moment of truth and talk from their experience and realisations to people on that same destructive life path, trying to give them an insight into their meaningless actions, opening their minds by demonstrating that there is a way out.

These lessons are guidelines from which we can firmly decide which path we wish to walk; that of mind controlled misleading darkness or that of eternal love light joy consciousness!

Remove all death wishes, self punishment vows, oaths of an obedient nature, self limiting belief systems, return to your truth and then align with the truth of God’s pure thought and belief in you. Find out for yourself how light it feels to be emerged in the wonders of self-forgiveness, become a beacon to everybody else in your inner and outer world of love surrender.

Your guides will assist and support you with everything you ask them to, help you cut unhealthy cords, remove negative embedded commands of every kind. One thing they will not do is do it all for you, without you really taking full responsibility and action. This would be disempowering for the growth of your soul & spirit. Once they see that you are willing to commit to fulfilling your purpose, dealing with issues, forgive and make vital positive changes, work on an overload of ego behaviours, support will be given within the confines of God’s will and purpose. Angels and guides have no free will and therefore act in accordance with God’s pure intent of his creation of the human race.

In other words; there has to be a structure in place from a place of justice, unconditional love for every single one of us, self responsibility and divine empowerment. To ensure the same rights for everybody at any time and to stop the chance to overpower and completely alter the core of divinity, certain laws had to be put in place providing a safe haven of equality, which is there to erase envy, jealousy, judgement. If certain people were treated by the divine in a privileged way, equality could not be sustained. Therefore all of God’s messengers have to act within the structure of this law in connection with us. We are all free to choose how to co- and re-create within the confines of this very purposeful woven network structure. The law of karma for instance ensures that actions taken are a constant reflection of consequences on the self, from which we eventually will have to learn to treat others how we wish to be treated ourselves.

It is always in the interest of the divine, its messengers and helpers, to make this world a better place and in that we must trust that we are supported every time we intent to make a positive change to connect to the light of source, our birth place.

The more we reconnect and merge with our Higher Self, the more peace and love we create on our planet. Nobody can do it for us, but with us. We can be our worst enemy or our most loyal trustworthy friend we have always been looking out for.

Resentment creates separation in every way, forgiveness is the key to Oneness, starting with yourself today. Let nobody persuade you to stop following that path of re-connection, not even your own ego self. Realise, forgive, let go, embrace, experience YOU in every facet of your brilliant existence.

The effects of narcissistic leadership


Everybody who has had an experience with a narcissistic personality type has learnt how they operate and will over time come to further realisations in figuring out why they did what they did, the motivation behind their words and actions, basically what their tactics were. There are many expressions within narcissistic behaviours, depending on their environment, what other aspects they carry within their personality types of the Enneagram, what their own deep inner beliefs are regarding human life and their role they believe they play in that. As always, when connected firmly to the original love spirit and true purpose of one’s soul journey, everybody, even those who have shaped into a narcissistic ego type, could – by their very origin – become who they truly are; all human inspiring, youthful, enthusiastic, life loving.


In their unhealthy state of ego self, they become literally the opposite of their original selves (as everybody else in their own ego state does). The artificial replacement of their spirit, the Higher Self,  has over time turned into a stubborn narcissistic model of self-importance, self-centrism; they have convinced themselves that the earth only revolves around them, they are the universal center, everybody else is below that. Rather than honouring human life in a sense of Oneness, their focus is solely focused on their ego self. In order to achieve constant attention and feel dictatorship-like empowerment, people are needed to deliver constant admiration for their self-obsession. To ensure that those people are always at hand, specific mind games need to be played to achieve that. The usual tactics of a narcissist is wheeling people in with false promises and compliments to gain trust, find out where weaknesses are stored to then use those to lash out at the shocked individuals when least expected, causing doubt and insecurity. Those strong enough to see through these tactics will – for reasons of self-preservation – step aside to be free from such kind of toxic manipulative life destructive control mechanisms. Others, trying to regain approval of what they thought was a trustworthy connection, are desperately altering their behaviour to win back the attention of the narcissist, who – by the way – will blame the attacked for their sudden ‘out-of-character’ reaction.

From all personality types, the narcissist bully type is the most difficult to come to self-realisation in a willingness to change, as they have now become too self-obsessed; letting go of this mania could risk their self-glorification and this would mean giving up their illusionary crown. There is often the presence of an underlying attraction to the evil side, giving them a false sense of power in believing anything they do will be ok.

What we see spread amongst our society in narcissist actions accumulates and expands into narcissist leadership. The destructive tactics of Nazi leaders can be followed through the history books of time and are clear to see.

Applied in politics, one must first create a state of inequality by ensuring that the gap between poor and rich becomes larger, the blame will later be shifted onto certain races, as this is their way to express their dislike against the human race in general. After all, they are the superior race and nobody must interfere with that kind of artificial glory. The foundation built to gain most of the country’s trust is made by a string of false promises; the beginning of mass confusion, dismantling of love consciousness, leading away from Oneness to a state of division, the start of blame games in full flow! A cunning way to guarantee austerity and racism to the point where hate is all there is, needed to start power games, leading to war. This will by now get those fired up who – just like the Nazi politicians – enjoy their irresponsible reign by abusing their powers, blame gaming others for the ill-being of their country. They know they can get away with it and in their desperation to win approval and be recognised by their leader, are blindly following their leaders ‘role model’ actions.

In the end nobody wins because once the accused race disappears they will get those who were closest to them to fight each other to the point where nothing is left to fight no more and this is where the self destructive behaviour will eventually have nowhere else to go but backfire onto the narcissist self.

When visiting one of the concentration camps you will find that there is total silence. The evil energies at work at the time, when all the destruction took place, is still filling the air to the point were no bird wants to go anywhere near that space. Can you imagine a world like this all over, just by having shown obedience to somebody who deep down we know has committed themselves to control humans, everybody included?

Once again we must remember that every single one of us has the power to lift those evil energies by connecting with our own divine self-empowering spirit, that is and will forever be unconditional love, for eternity. A high intelligence has put certain laws down to ensure that the good love we all carry from that can never be overpowered. It is down to us which power we believe and trust in; the power of total control or the blissful power of love.


How to protect yourself from negative influences

Not too much focus should be given to negative forces and energies outside ourselves, other than knowing that they exist too and that we can do something about them. The reason they are around is due to the feeding ground available in our world, still containing more darkness than light. It is better to be aware of them than not, in a way to learn self-awareness and protection. One could compare it to road safety rules, we know that cars will kill us if we cross the road without looking, yet we don’t constantly think about how a car can injure us, once we know how to protect ourselves from that danger. When it comes to negative energies, we all have the choice of our free will and power of our spirit to eliminate all darkness in our world, including our own, without investing time and energy into fear or the fascination of mischievous spirits.

There are many negative influences trying to create a world of disharmony by subliminally trying to plant anti-humanitarian beliefs into our consciousness or keeping the ones we already have alive, be it by causing artificial problems, such as financial hardship, blaming nations, races or nationalities for the country’s own misfortune, misinformation and blatant lies.

The danger of remaining disconnected to our radiant spirit self by holding onto old issues, can be an attraction for such spirits to attach themselves to the person, often unable to detect such manipulative influences in its living space. Any reoccurring negative thoughts of self-doubt, judgement or criticising others out of constant anger, hate or envy, a need to upset or hurt somebody, constant exposure to abuse, demanding thoughts or a belief of superiority or unworthiness, major focus on material gain, are a sign that we need to take action to cleanse our suppressed emotions and conflicts; one to stay healthy and two to be free from negative influences.

These misguiding entities will go to wherever and whoever is allowing them to come close to. We must be very clear in our minds that negativity and destruction will not give us the power we are seeking, it is in fact a false power, taking us away from our far greater pure one. Only when we dare to reconnect with the purity of our immensely powerful spirit will we see the difference, it is only a thought away to do so. The moment we make that decision to return onto our path of reconnecting with the power of love, we will step by step be faced with everything we have accumulated, a perfect chance to deal with the undealt, transform and let go. A cover up of our shining light can attract mentioned entities, stemming from our own self-manipulating mind sets, operating from non-loving motives. The belief in love alone can make it harder for negative attachment to take place.

Once we make that decision, God, source, our guides, will be delighted to watch our spirit grow and be of great support and guidance, without interfering with our free will to support us on our self-empowering growth. It can sometimes feel like hard work, remaining stuck will be a lot harder though. God can not just wipe away all of our issues, without us undergoing our own efforts to do so, by showing willingness we gain great strength and fulfillment. We learn from the consequences of our actions, by making our own decisions we determine our path ahead.

The principle of God’s law is based on a great purpose and that is to give us all the freedom in the world to operate within that structure, the intent of which is always based on endless choices, who we wish to be and in that we can either recreate ourselves endlessly or do the opposite. Clearing conflicts, making peace, appreciation and opening up to unconditional love again, fine tunes us with the good energies we posses and in that moves us into vibrant light, pushing negativity of all sorts away. In fact, our instinct will become so sensitive that we find toxic energies unattractive and unbearable, because we can sense how it effects our now highly vibrational energy bodies.

In my work with people I have found that attachments to negative energies can also come from carrying obligational oaths from past lives, religious controlling belief systems, condemnation against God, anti-loving or negative vows. All you need to do is to clear those by saying you wish to let go of them and replace them with positive spirit reinforcing affirmations. Your guides will help you with this too by cutting old negative cords to self limiting and sabotaging belief systems on your journey to self-fulfillment. As the debris of life long horded untruths dissolve, your crown chakra develops a strong connection to universal information and wisdom downloads, you can use on a daily basis and to support others.

Once you are firmly walking your path again, it is advisable to ensure that you keep cleansing yourself emotionally, ask for the highest protection and keep your senses open to discern between authentic connections and the ones who are trying to divert you from your dedicated purpose by sabotaging your work and in general, making your life difficult. Free yourself from both, you are not unkind when allowing yourself to walk away from hindrance. Just like we cannot force somebody to change for the better, nobody can force us to fall back into the ditch we have just come out from, to then end up being pushed back into it. Everybody has free will and is welcome, once they have declared their commitment to support, we can support one another.

Distinguish constructive criticism and good advice from envious jealous remarks, designed to produce doubt and demotivation. Try not to be disheartened from hurtful remarks but instead develop a thick skin. Only you have your purpose and that must never be dismantled.

In case of dark spirit attacks, call on your guardian angel to remove the entity and whilst that is happening, visualise a huge bright shining light radiating outwards, blending the dark interference. This will free you and release you from being overpowered or taken over by unpleasant forces. Ensure on a daily basis to always visualise being surrounded within a golden dome of light.

Light is and will always be the stronger power, nothing is more powerful than God’s love, an unimaginable force. When we wish to connect with that light, know the difference between the energy of light beings and that of manipulative influences.

A light being is never demanding but always lovingly supportive, with only giving out information helpful on ones spiritual growth. Sometimes the answers come at a later stage or not as expected. The way of light spirit communication is never in interference with our free will, which means it is always based on our own decision making, always gentle, yet powerful.

The energy of a dark entity can sometimes be difficult to detect, on other occasions it is quite obvious. One way to ensure that what is trying to connect with you is coming from Source is by stating to your Guardian angel that you wish to only be connected to pure light beings. If it is not originating from Source, then you are not interested. Be very clear about that statement, without any second thoughts of a desire of spiritual self importance. Your guardian angel has no free will and therefore has to follow yours, which means that anything of darkness will be removed. Yet, it is important to still check with your heart. One clear indication that a lower spirit is trying to latch onto you is the absence of love, using the word alone does not mean it is vibrating from the energy of love. Further indications are when too much information is given to your questions or constant confirmation of you being the greatest, placing demands or too many future predictions, information about somebody else’s personal life or feelings of control.

Carnal sexual energy is a huge magnet for negative entities as the energy of love is missing during such intercourse. Our sacral chakra is the most powerful chakra of all, bearing the energy of co-creation. Once that part is contaminated with elements of basic sex, it can draw us towards more of that we actually wish to eliminate, leading to more casual sex, forming sexual addiction, accumulating more toxicity, effecting the mind, which has now formed blocks within our natural abundant selves. We can at any time break out of this vicious cycle by deciding to cleanse our precious sacral area and all other chakras, by aligning to pure love and making/creating love energy from that level of love consciousness. The intensity of this ecstatic experience will form such a ball of bright light that no lower frequency can remain attached and will therefore be blown away.

In a nutshell; if you understand the protective, self-empowering, loving energy of God’s wish for us, then you will also sense those high energy spirit beings, who are coming from that very same level of consciousness.

Always remember that we are light and to that we can return. Guaranteed that the rewards will be beyond our wildest dreams, as this is a reward within itself; after all we are connecting with a deep sense of wholesome meaningful well-being for the greater good, forever lasting, an exhilarated feeling to be alive!

Each one of us has the power to create a shift in consciousness, creating an expansion of the healing platform for our planet. We are divinely powerful enough to create the exact harmonious world again to which we were initially sent to live and love together. We can be much brighter and do things so much better than what we were conditioned to believe.

Resolving issues lightens up our spark and in time, turns into a bright flame of enlightenment, forming a protective shield around us. We become our divine purpose again and nothing can stop us on this exciting endeavor. We align with the instincts of our common sense, which in time teaches us to trust more and more in its clear guiding vision of the truth of our existence and in that all darkness will be washed away by waves from an ocean of our joined spirit love.

The Art of Self Love

The Art of self love

Self-love is the ultimate key love energy that will lead us into deep inner peace, harmony and consequently the world around us because it represents the love of the self in all facets of its existences, born from the unconditional love God, Grace, Source has towards his creation of every living Being; an indescribable feeling of coming home to live in Oneness with the self, grateful at all times for the gift of ‘us’, firmly anchored in the I am consciousness. Living in gratitude with that can never lead to either a lack of self worth, a narcissistic false self-love belief system or a desperate desire to overpower another. Experiences, traumas and unfinished businesses will eventually crumble and be washed out of a man made lower consciousness belief system. This requires willingness for regular introspection into our cell memory to see if there is any emotional toxicity left there, needing to be released in order for our cells to be purified. In most cases we were taught to suppress issues and ‘just get on with life’. Despite all present awareness in today’s society with a vast number of healing techniques available, there still seems to be a lack of understanding how suppressed issues can leave damaging effects on the very organisms forming our bodies, our cells, leading to disturbances of the mind, leading into physical/emotional disease. Every time we leave a hurtful situation undealt with, we also shut another door to the healing and energising boundless love always available to us, resulting more and more in a shut down of our blissful selves. Disconnecting from love deprives our cells from our light life force essence.

Every time we go onto a journey of self-healing and clean our cells by addressing issues to understand ourselves better and situations or people in our lives, we take responsibility for our wellbeing and automatically expand our awareness. This in itself is a sign of self love, giving us a healthy feeling of empowerment because our soul knows that we are taking appropriate steps to raise onto a higher level of consciousness.

Once we begin to consciously comprehend how our actions effect others and decide to improve in an attempt to reach a healthy balance within our worthiness, we are on a steady path to a completion within the exhilarating feeling of self love. Nobody would feel the need to take advantage of the weaker ones, but instead offer support to those in need, competition would be a word of the past, instead we could work in cooperation together, rejoicing in the qualities of our fellow human friend, Instead of destroying our planet to enrich ourselves by depleting it of its resources given to us for free, we would use what we have to create meaningful abundance. Once our inner conflicts of unhappiness are resolved into self love, the need for conflict by controlling or be controlled is pointless; it will loose all its attraction of an artificial sense of power.

‘Easier said than done’ is often a thought that keeps us stuck in a comfort zone, ‘in the history of the human race war & greed have always been the case. This is what humans are like, they can not be trusted and are always out for their own gain. Humans deserve to be erased because of all the atrocities they have committed. Get out of the illusion and get real, war is normal, peace, harmony and self love are an illusion, this can never happen’. Guess what; by thinking those constant negative thoughts about ourselves and wishing for our race to be erased, we make exactly that happen. Of course one has to be realistic and look at what is going on in our world. But this is precisely the point; we have to become very realistic and understand that every single one of us has the power to make positive changes and what we are doing to create such negativity, in our world and the outer one. It starts with ourselves; ‘what is going on and what is it that I can do to make this change happen?’ It lies in the power of our free will.

Take introspection and clear all the unwanted and non-loving experiences; when did you begin to feel incomplete and unhappy with yourself, what are you doing to harm yourself or others? What are you doing because you feel so worthless? If you are an extrovert, you probably feel the need to overpower by demonstrating artificial greatness, constantly having to prove how much better you are or – if you are an introvert – it is expressed in a daily quiet self inflicting thinking pattern of never thriving into something big, so therefore remain small. Introverts often then express their deep unhappiness in an unaware passive aggressive way, yet equally as destructive.

In a healthy state of self-love and recognition, the extrovert uses his/her quality of divine power by leading and protecting people into a better way of living, giving them confidence, re-igniting their own unique power, bringing out the best in everybody to create big changes.

The more introvert personality type will use his incredible gift of diplomacy to resolve conflicts and create peace by solving misunderstandings. They remain detached from distractions, always returning back to their center of deep inner harmony and peace. Solutions are found for every problem, people in their presence feel no need to argue ‘to be right’.

Whatever personality type we belong to; in order to do what we do best and to stay connected to our soul and the creative path we have chosen, we need to equip ourselves with a thick skin to stand up for our truths.

Did you know that only 10 % of the world’s population actually live their purpose? Not living our purpose is poison for the soul, simply because we push away a big part of ourselves, our love of life. A disconnection to our soul means a disconnection to source, which leads to a lack of love, especially self love. Where there is a lack of self love, there must be some unhealthy replacement, forming toxicity within our bodies. In our desire to feel that completeness, we then look for substitutes, which can never replace the real thing. This is the moment where we must look in the places where incompleteness has taken false residence,; dare to remove the unreal to become that who you really are again! Transform every non self-loving thought, no matter where they stem from, into life lessons, expanding your wisdom, strengthening your will power. Return to the belief that love is the energy of creation, therefore it is truth.

Remaining stuck in such thought patterns of our conditioned minds and the unhealthy familiarity to live in a world of endless conflict, from which we think there is no way out, will lead to eventually quieten the voices of our souls, weakening our bodies. Giving up our divine power is like saying ‘NO’ to the best part of us. We can at all time liberate ourselves from constantly walking underneath the dark clouds of a limiting and sabotaging mind set.

If all great thinkers in the history of our existence had conformed to the restrictions of life limiting rules and regulations, we would still be living with a ‘medieval mentality mind set’. They themselves had to be strong enough to belief in their vision of bringing positive change about, often under danger of being publicly humiliated or eliminated or simply of not being taken seriously. Yet, their belief to aid with their purpose in the progress of their human fellow men into a world of justice, love and equality can only have come from a deep comprehension of the original idea of the creation and therefore love of the human race. These activists, visionaries and co-creators such as Jesus, Leonardo da Vinci, Nikla Tesla, Martin Luther Kind, Gandhi, must have had a healthy dose of self acceptance deriving from self love and the gratitude of their existence with its purpose attached to that; ingredients to produce essential strength, will power and persistence to pursue what they knew in their hearts would benefit towards a healthy evolvement of the human race!

By living a purposeful life, they were moving entire nations from one level of consciousness onto the next. It must have been a difficult task at times, with often unexpected outcomes, yet nothing would stop them to work for the greater good of all. What the soul will focus on when leaving its body is the meaningful quality of life it has created, loosing every bit of interest on all material accumulations.

Remember that none of us can do it alone. First we have to fall in love again with the idea of humanity, ourselves, a path which will inevitably lead back to a joyful inspiration, with an ever growing desire to work in the magnificence of what is often taken for granted down here.

Appreciation of the self, the wonders of life, the miracles of what love is capable of doing, will create a world full of abundance. When we stop to allow our ego to mislead us and use it instead to teach us the other side of our spectrum of endless possibilities, our shiny selves, the mis-leaders of this world will cease to exist because there is nothing left to lead down the wrong pathway. The energy we are using to transform all non-loving aspects of ourselves into deep appreciation of pure intents, will take away the feeding ground foundation for those whose souls are still life times away from wishing to evolve. We can not carry those on our shoulders as well but allow them to take appropriate steps to learn their lessons; how else will they be given an opportunity to open their eyes?!

Love yourself  for who you really are, all you are and all you have ever been, united as one. You are the miracle you have been waiting for!


If all of us were firmly connected to our spirit love energy, allowing that to shine through our uniqueness, then from afar the total sum of all the auric human energy fields seen in unity would look like a vibrational kaleidoscope.

Within the wealth of the human consciousness we are all part of a variety of personality types, which bring to the table of life everything we need, to make it brilliantly colourful.

Some of us are here to uplift each other’s spirit with their energetic youthful attitude to life, then there are the leaders amongst us, teachers, helpers and carers, peacemakers, the trustworthy community builders, able to engage others, the expressive artists, the motivators, the visionaries and pioneers. It could not be more perfect in its combination of different personality types, holding the individual wisdom through the bond of consciousness, every one of us carries.

The great thing is that – as long as we believe in love and show a willingness to transform negative experiences into positive ones, we compliment each other with the characters of our personality types together with our experiences and wisdom from life lessons learnt. We are part of an ever evolving experience within all of life’s experience consciousness. As long as love flows, positive manifestations happen in the most effortless way we can possibly imagine.

Yet, if we block our ability to transform and hold onto a host of upsetting emotions and memories, we begin to exclude love; what does not contain love must contain ego. Ego comes from the ancient Greek meaning ‘I am’ or ‘I exist’; translated in relation to our human mind, it means awareness of the self. A low percentage of ego acts as a mediator between our conscious and subconscious mind, something we need to manoeuvre us through this physical life. In other words, a teacher of self awareness, showing us where issues need resolving to make improvements in our desire to return to the Oneness of love.

Some call it life intelligence, our own vessel consciousness, containing all of our experiences, lessons, personality types and own unresolved ego, with the willingness to learn from that. The knowledge combination of all of that is to master a human approach to others based on their level of understanding in order to form a non-conflict bond of human acceptance, with the absence of forceful mind control.

An overload of ego represents a total focus on the self without taking anybody else into consideration, with dire consequences; this is always destructive and can only be repaired when realisation hits the mind.

Us humans are originally created to care and act for the Greater Good of all, including the self. A drifting towards an ego self for ones sole gain purpose, where in the end competition and conflict become the norm, was never intended to happen. Deep down we really know that we are all connected and are here to live in harmony. Operating mainly from our true personality type make-up, as much as possible, makes us joint divine co-creators, dedicated to follow our inner heart calling, that knows how to manifest easily; with patience and perseverance and with the certainty that something good will come from our actions. Ego driven projects instead are control based, carried out under constant pressure of having to prove oneself, with the needy impatience of wanting to see quick profitable personal or/and material results. Patience becomes a missing attribute with the absence of love.

The strongest undealt emotions that lead to an ego focused self, are rage and terror. Those emotions are a build up of a sum total of many frustrating, powerless, sad moments, times when we felt rejected, unaccepted and used. We are not always aware of underlying rage or terror being present in our subconsciousness, especially if we belong to the more introvert types of people. The extroverts amongst us usually express these emotions more visibly, their presence is therefore more easily detectable.

In order to keep these kind of emotions under control, within the contingency of our lives, we build survival and unhealthy behavioural constructions around them, coupled with negative belief systems and vows, making us act not from our true personality type self anymore, but an artificial one. The development of this false identity, as many call it, progressively moves us into a false protective zone, leading to a disconnection of our real personality type identity.

One of the reasons we want to protect our true core with the ego from the hurt which was done to us previously, is a way to ensure it from never happening again. The risk we take if we don’t let go of an overload of our cells with the unwanted is an accumulation of more artificial replacements onto the self, dimming our natural attraction. This then leads to deep feelings of dissatisfaction and non-acceptance with the self and life, attracting more of what we actually want to avoid. The inner disharmony is acting like a magnet to the outside world to the point where we feel lost and disorientated. For some another reason to hold onto ego is a deep conviction to be superior above everybody else, a belief to be of a supremacy race, in a world of an obedient lower human race. This can stem from trauma, or this kind of belief system was simply there from the start.

An overload of ego and an accumulation of a false identity structure deprives us from energy and over the years, makes us feel heavy and tired. Compare it to carrying more and more clutter attached to you and then wondering why every step of the way it becomes harder and more exhausting to keep moving.

Our thoughts, which are constant energy waves transformed or translated from existing stored emotions within our cells based on the perception of our past memories, effect everything around us. They are a product of how we feel inside and create themselves from either our loved based or ego driven identity. We have to grasp the concept of the power our thoughts have in our world and how they manifest themselves. We can positively change our world by changing our thoughts. Whether we wish to address our thoughts first to change the way we feel or release the unpleasant emotions to lovingly alter our thoughts or do a combination of the two, depends on our individual choice. Negative thoughts create toxic acidic energy levels in our cells; keeping such thoughts alive is comparable to being on a slow suicide mission.

Imagine owning the most shiny vibrant faceted diamond and somebody trying to damage it. Naturally we would try to protect it and put it in a safe place, until the situation has cleared and the perpetrator has gone. During that time we are able to admire our diamond every now and then, to then place it back in its safety comfort zone. Eventually, when the air is clear, we can polish and restore the damage, find the best spot for it so it can shine away, even brighter than before. Our appreciation of the value of our precious diamond should grow even more after the trouble we had.

Now imagine if we decided to keep that diamond locked in that safe comfort zone forever, pushing it more and more into the background with layers of possessions in front of it, to the point where we forget the diamond ever existed in the first place. We never bother to take it back out anymore because of an old fear that the past experience could repeat itself, although we know that this can never happen again; we also won’t allow anybody to come near our diamond, to avoid exposure to similar damage again. Keeping it locked means a disadvantage in every way; its natural shine would eventually be completely secluded within the confines of old walls we built to protect from the harm of long gone perpetrators. Instead of learning the lesson, taking the armor and walls down to polish the diamond and give it a brand new shine, we keep it hidden away and are then forced to install artificial lights, trying to replace its natural pure faceted light reflections to somehow give it some kind of radiance. Yet, artificial light only shines when we switch it on, the light bulb can break, artificial light only covers a limited area.

The beautiful rays of a naturally shining diamond are like the sun; its radiance is capable to travel for great distances, reigniting/rejuvenating anything that is allowing it in. Hesitant resistance can eventually break open by gradually getting accustomed to the warmth of light. Anything that cannot withstand that glowing power, will dissolve in the loss of its controlling power.

Another reason why we also construct protective armors around the building blocks of our dormant rage or terror is to protect others from getting harmed by it, in case we loose control over ourselves when these emotions are triggered. Unless we tackle what has become the foundation of a false identity, more of the unhealthy construction will be added to its scaffold, blocking out our light, to the point where we become so used to it that we loose track of who we really are and then end up believing that the false identity is really us.

All of us are perfect within our imperfections. The lessons we learn are obstacles dressed up as blessings in disguise as we travel along our soul journey. The stopping stations on our road have most likely been there before and will keep reappearing until we have mastered another lesson on our growth in an ever evolving source of high consciousness. Our destiny is not to keep repeating the same old lessons to keep making the same mistakes in denial of its teachings, but instead to master them. This is what ‘perfect within our imperfections’ means. Love as our driving force will show us the way, ego shows us where improvements can be made from old outworn comfort zone habitual behaviours, keeping us stuck. It will make us fall again and again, until we finally are able to decide from the choice of our free will to follow and trust our light again.

We can have a combination of different personality types. In total there are 9, we usually have 2 major ones forming our own unique one, which is then based on our experiences alongside with the life wisdom we possess.

Here are some brief examples of how we can completely turn into the opposite of who we really are, if issues are left unaddressed!

For instance the personality type of a healthy teacher is that of fairness and ethics, with an understanding of a higher purpose, They are natural perfectionists, a true inspiration for humanity with a desire to bring the truth across by bringing out the truth in others. When in a false protective unhealthy state of ego, those truth seekers become rigid and judgmental perfectionists, needing to be always right, at all cost. Their strongest fears of humiliation and condemnation are now controlling them.

The leader personality type in his healthy state is incredibly charismatic, magnanimous, strong and able to stand up for what their higher visions are, able to self surrender to a higher authority. They are the historic game changers, leaving heroic remarkable positive shifts behind in a world stuck in old habits. In an unhealthy state they become dangerous risk takers, wheeler dealers with a need to dominate to the point of becoming criminals. Their strongest fear of showing weakness is now controlling them, making them and everybody else believe they always have to be at war.

The peacemaker in a healthy state radiates deep inner peace and serenity, they are the mediators amongst us, creating harmony and a flow in communication, able to connect on a deep spiritual level. In a suppressive angry state they act out their anger in a passive aggressive way as they are desperately trying to hold onto their natural state of serenity. In their dissociation to conflict, their anger expresses itself in a hidden undetectable manor to the point where it is incredibly difficult to see through the destructive actions of their ego; they usually have no idea of the damage they are causing and totally oblivious in their constant denial of admitting to the unpleasant realities of life. Their biggest fear therefore is confrontation and rage. In their denial, they passively act exactly that out what they fear the most, then look at the damage, without taking any responsibility.

The Helper in a healthy state is the most compassionate, kindest empathetic and passionate personality type one can find, able to see good in others, trying to bring the best out in everybody. Nurturing and giving in every way. In an unhealthy state those devoted to service become ‘people-pleaser’, using the word love to control and manipulate others, instead of allowing it to flow naturally in its original state of oneness with themselves. Their suppressed aggression results in criticising others to make them look inferior. Their biggest fear is to care for their own needs as they need to feel needed by over-helping everybody around them. Helping others then becomes an unhealthy drive to boost the self for the service given.

The enthusiast in a healthy state is full of the joy and fun for life, imaginative, spontaneous, light-hearted, curious, generous, multitalented, easily accomplished achievers. In an unhealthy state they need constant stimuli, are hyperactive, totally self-centered to the point of narcissism, frantic, unreliable and self destructive. They need more and more distraction to avoid facing their terror, pain and fears, becoming highly abusive on their ego trip to get what it is they want.

These are just some examples to demonstrate how much a healthy personality type can mutate into the complete opposite of the self. Understanding this part of our spirit personality self altered into the ego mind control body, gives us hope that much can be done for humanity to transform, just like butterflies do. Every one of us has the choice to stop procrastination and start the compassionate internal balancing act of negative cleansing now. The more we know about us, who we are and how our minds function, the more can be done to remove who we are not! Lessons learnt will expand our knowledge, raise our emotional intelligence regarding life and us. Our character becomes ever more faceted and by doing so we become the best version of ourselves, with all our little imperfections. This makes us so unique, part of live’s endless varieties.

Not everybody is ready to open up to love and detect their own ego behaviour. Somehow we have to be able to handle those eager to cling onto their ego, with hopefully the least possible conflict or harm to ourselves.

The more people that are operating from their ego selves, the harder, more dense and complicated life becomes, as actions are mainly taken from ego patterns, leading to an accumulation of frustration and feelings of pointlessness, in which we see no purpose. Our goal can be to constantly clear our minds from the hateful thoughts and intents, angry outbreaks or a chronic state of anxiety. Behind those walls we will always find that the long lost forgotten diamond was never gone, it just had to be unburied and brought back to light.

The light of love is infinitely patient and knows that the actions born from pure intent will always lead to something beneficial for everybody, without any harm. Those who need to find their own shadow can do so to then decide to flood that part with love too. It will happen in their own time, without us allowing them to be a hindrance  on our path.

Being anchored in pure self-love and the original idea of humanity does not mean that we can not speak up in truth or react in a revolutionary style when witnessing injustice to our fellow brothers and sisters. Love protects us and gives us a sensory gut feeling of threat or fear in times of danger or an unsafe situation. It gives us the strength to express empathy or deep sadness when going through bereavement or hurt.

The reactions we get when anchored in the power of love are different to those stuck in egotistic anti-humanitarian hatred.

It is the holding onto the belief that – in order to be protected and super powerful we have to stick to chronic anger, hate and abuse from a fear of never being recognised otherwise. These are toxic ego separation wall constructions.

Also know that spirit can only really deeply connect with us when we send love to our spirit guides and angels. It is obvious; our spirit connection is like inviting our best friends back into our home, so we join and cooperate together. Our love towards our spirit acts like a light gateway for spirit guides to access the denser planes in their desire to assist us, without influencing the decision making of our free will. As we allow our cells to transform in dropping love blocking barriers, many doors will open, our manifestation work with spirit will take on new dimensions and be done more swiftly and effortlessly around our world. When we lay our armors down, peace begins to stream through the gaps of our rigid mind sets, this is when the war zones of our world will cease to exist.